The FormulaDuude Mario World Sport Duuuuuude Council has just released another statement, this time regarding Benetton B194, Flavio Briatore and Shaka!
The FormulaDuude Mario World Sport Duuuuuude Council is sad to announce that the claims of cheating at the Melbourne race are actually true. In possession of car telemetry and radio black box, we found the following:
B194 Porsche have a series of outlaw buttons on their cockpit, which include a Hadouken, Landing Mines, Blinding Headlights and other forms of opposition harassment.
The car also features outlaw softwares as KERS and a hidden Menu 13, which we believe activates ABS and TC at a higher level than allowed by the RuleBook
Over the first lap of Feature race, driver Shaka was instructed to stop the car and hit the Menu 13 button, which activated those devices
During the course of the race, Shaka lapped insanely faster than expected for a car / weight combination, raising eyebrowns over the pitlane
After the race driver Shaka commented he was instructed to press a button he didn't know what was for.
The voice instructing him to press the button was Flavio's.
The same voice asked driver Shaka to park his car once again at pitlane in an attempt to reduce his lead and, therefore, minimize the risk of FD officials finding about the mammoth advantage the B194 car had.
With the previous considerations in mind, we found driver Shaka not guilty of the charges of deliberately cheating. We apologize to him for bringing him to court, but thank him for his honest, straight feedback.
B194 car was found in breach of several regulations and is, from this moment on, permantently banned from any form of FormulaDuude race for life.
Flavio Briatore was found to be behind the Menu 13 installation, the outlaw devices and the fake stop/go penalty. He is, from this moment on, banned for life of FormulaDuude Championship and will have to spend the rest of his life using a FD approved outfit. We also took the opportunity to tatoo his body so he never forgets what he is.
Cheating Bastard!
Williams Grand Prix, while not entirely at fault, is guilty of allowing such a bastard to issue orders for their driver and will lose all constructor points scored thus far on the championship.
The rulebook has been updated to make sure this does not happen again.
