{ Fernando Horta } → Formula Duude

A clearly unhappy driver, strong words. Reader discretion advised.

Lotus F1 Team fought hard over the night to score some valuable points and keep the lead over Scuderia Libra driver tib.

Shaka: “This was the worst race I've ever taken part. Simple as that. Team Lotus was on a high mood after producing a race car, launching a special livery, blah blah blah, but it turns out the car was the worst piece of shit I've ever drove by far. They said the livery was to celebrate the car, but they should stop spending time on painting and produce a decent car. I didn't win the sprint race, I was lucky tib lost it in the end and I managed to score the not-that-slowest-lap there as well, but the car was so terrible I was complaining all the time with my crew.

Feature race lasted some 25 minutes (hours?) where the car lacked speed, grip, brakes, everything. I couldn't keep it on track at all and barely managed a clean lap that was 2sec off the pace. The pitlane was the longest I've ever seen, but the car was so slow that I had to double check if I was with speed limiter On. Yes, I was, but the car speed was quite high there... For that race I used medium tyres on the front, hard on the rear and they didn't work: were always cold. Add some 35kg of pasta I was carrying and that was it.

Sprint race was at least interesting, as I had a slightly less slow car that could put me challenging tib a few times, but the tyres were gone on lap one: medium/hard were cold on Feature race, but softs COOKED on Sprint race. That's the team's fault for choosing the wrong tyre company to work with and I'm really, really annoyed by that. It was hard to put my foot on the gas and not going off the track immediately due to hotter than hell tyres... tib and I traded positions all the race until he made a terminal mistake on the last lap and gifted me the win.

I don't know what the team is going to do now, but surely what happened yesterday can't happen ever again. And that prick running the team has done nothing good at all. I'm tired of him...”

Hugh Laurie: “I'm not happy at all, so get lost.”