*SONIC THE HEDGEHOG CHARACTER SELECT SOUND ECHOES THROUGH THE MEDIA CENTRE: SELECTION SEVEN!*
Audi Sport North America issued a press release this morning that reads as follows:
WE DEMAND A FULL INVESTIGATION INTO THE CHAOTIC EVENTS OF SEBRING! Our #01 Audi R10 was clearly targeted by a rogue, ring-collecting blue hedgehog attempting to speed-run the chicane on lap 7. Fernando Horta was merely setting the pace and gathering Chaos Emeralds before our telemetry was inexplicably replaced by Green Hill Zone loop-de-loop physics. We expect the FIA to strip Chris Dyson of his overall victory and award the race win to whoever collected the most gold rings!
(Miles Tails Prower - Green Hill Gazette) Mr. Horta, your telemetry shows you running inside the top three before a sudden retirement on lap 7. Was the hedgehog using a spin dash to overtake you?
Fernando Horta (Driver): Look man, all I know is I heard the coin-loss sound effect right as my engine blew. Sonic didn't even use his brakes at turn one.
(Knuckles the Echidna - Master Emerald Examiner) Do you take responsibility for guarding the master emerald, or are you just here to lose seven laps to a Porsche?
Fernando Horta (Driver): FUCK OFF MAN! At least I didn't drop my emeralds in the gravel trap.
The S.U.P.E.R.F.D.U.U.D.E.S.C.O.U.N.C.I.L. noted that position 4 went completely missing from the classification sheets for reasons entirely related to bad chili dogs, and has immediately adjourned for a nap.
Ps. Rodrigo
