*BOOMING FUNK BASSLINES REVERBERATE THROUGH THE HOCKENHEIM PADDOCK*
CamelToe Racing issued a press release this morning that reads as follows:
WE ARE ABSOLUTELY UNSTOPPABLE! TOTAL SPEED DOMINANCE AT HOCKENHEIM!
While the rest of the grid slogged through ten long, exhausting laps around Hockenheimring, our legendary hero Fernando Horta delivered the ultimate masterclass in pure, unadulterated efficiency! Piloting the #01 Audi R10, Horta needed precisely ONE single lap to shatter the timing screens with an unbelievable 1:58.980—the ONLY sub-two-minute lap of the entire event!
Why waste engine life on nine extra laps when you have already proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that you are the fastest driver in Germany? Olivier Beretta took over twenty long minutes to drag his #04 Corvette to victory, but Fernando achieved absolute perfection before his tires even reached operating temperature!
ToeJam (Co-Owner & Chief Funk Officer): "YO! DID YOU SEE THAT LAP TIME?! ONE LAP! THAT IS PURE SPEED, BABY! WE CAME TO HOCKENHEIM, DROPPED A 1:58.980, AND RETIRED TO CELEBRATE EARLY! WHO NEEDS TEN LAPS WHEN YOU ARE THAT FAST?!"
Earl (Co-Owner & Head Jammer): "Big Earl says work smarter, not harder! Fernando set the benchmark, parked the Audi, and grabbed a sausage before Beretta even saw the hairpin for the second time! That is how CamelToe Racing handles business!"
We accept our 16th-place classification with immense pride. The lap record is ours, and pure speed is all that matters!
