Wolfgang Schachinger claimed overall victory in a 21-lap Daytona thriller, crossing the line in 0:22:21.971 with his Chevrolet Corvette, while Fernando Horta's DeTomaso Pantera completed precisely one lap before retiring into the Florida ether.
President Luca di Guevara (#27 crew): Caspita! Gara! We must win! Where is the car? Why is it stopping?! FOR DIOS MIO, VINCERE!
Fernando Horta (#86 crew): Look, Luca, the engine made a funny noise and then the universe collapsed. It is fine.
President Luca di Guevara (#27 crew): NON COMPRENSO! BRAVISSIMO LOSERS! WINNING IS THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS, PILOTTI!
*The press gaggle gathers outside the media centre, visibly confused by the timing screens.*
Phil McCavity (The Daily Apex): Mr Horta, your car lasted one lap. Is this a strategic move to preserve tyre wear for the next ice age?
Hugh G. Rection (Motorsport Banter): Or did you just hear that the Daytona concession stand was running out of pretzels?
Fernando Horta: Honestly, the air tasted better back in the paddock. Science simply cannot explain it.
*Brahma Beer Official Disclaimer: This race report was brought to you by completely legally questionable muamba parts and an excessive amount of cold lager.*
