WHAT A STUNNING FINISH AT THE ALBERT PARK CIRCUIT AS JULIANO FLORES SNATCHES VICTORY BY A MERE 0.407 SECONDS OVER A COMPLETELY UNHINGED FERNANDO HORTA! The #29 Ferrari of Scuderia Libra survived a relentless seven-lap war down under, trading the lead back and forth with Horta’s borrowed Porsche GT3-RSR on virtually every single lap! Even though Horta unleashed an unbelievable 1:59.217 best lap—a massive four and a half seconds faster than anyone else on the continent—Flores held the defensive line when it mattered most to take the checkered flag in 15:36.551! Pippo brought his Mapua Racing Porsche home in a lonely third place, while Dave secured fourth for Losel Racing after getting tangled up mid-race!
Crew Chief Alan Donatellofson (on radio): Great job setting a 1:59, Fernando. Truly majestic work. Next time try doing that on the lap where they wave the checkered flag instead of losing by four tenths of a second.
(To the tune of "Down Under" by Men at Work)
Travelling in a GT2 Porsche,
Through Melbourne turns I smash the throttle source!
I saw a red Ferrari in my way,
Juliano smiled and ruined my whole day!
And he said:
"Do you come from a land down under?
Where engines scream and tires burst in thunder?
Can't you hear, can't you hear that purr?
You better run, you better take cover!"
Buying muamba from a man in Brussels,
He was six-foot-four and full of muscles,
I said, "Do you speak my language, friend?"
He handed me a wing that wouldn't bend!
And he said:
"I just came from a race down under!
Where Horta lost by four tenths, what a blunder!
Can't you hear, can't you hear that purr?
You better run, you better take cover!"
Wallaby Dangler (Kangaroo Times): Fernando! You were four seconds a lap faster than Juliano, how on earth did you manage to finish second?!
Fernando Horta: HE WAS SPREADING ENTIRE JARS OF VEGEMITE ON THE BRAKING ZONE AT TURN ONE! IT WAS ABSOLUTE CARNAGE OUT THERE!
Livio Orificio (AOLUOLBOL): Alan, was there any tactical flaw in letting Horta burn his tyres setting purple sectors while dropping behind the Scuderia Libra car?
Crew Chief Alan Donatellofson: Tactical flaw? No. Watching him drive four seconds faster than the entire southern hemisphere just to lose at the stripe is our main source of team entertainment.
Tião Feto (FIA Times): Dave! How was your race, finishing a lap down in fourth position?
Dave: I saw a koala near the wall on lap three and stopped to make sure it wasn't a council member waiting to hand out a drive-through penalty!
