FDTV MAIN BOOTH: LOOK AT THAT CAR, HAJA CORAÇÃO! Fernando Horta is throwing the #12 Scuderia Leitao House Ferrari 360 Modena into the Grande Courbe like a man who just remembered he left the oven on in Rio! Three laps of pure, unadulterated French drama here at Magny-Cours!
FDTV CO-COMMENTATOR: Wait, are these red cars? I thought we were covering a lawnmower derby in Burgundy. Why do they all sound like furious hornets? Is this even France?
FDTV MAIN BOOTH: Silence, you absolute amateur! It is an all-Ferrari 360 Modena showdown! Look at the gaps! Paddock whispers are already suggesting Horta’s engine was secretly tuned using illegal muamba parts smuggled inside a '72 Brasília trunk, but the timing screen does not lie! A staggering 1:47.365 on his best pass! HE IS FLYING! HE IS GONE! THAT IS NOT A RACE DRIVER, THAT IS A GUIDED MISSILE!
RADAXIAN GUEST: Beep beep.
FDTV MAIN BOOTH: PRECISELY! Beep beep indeed, my noble space visitor! Behind our Brazilian maestro, the fight for second place is absolute, unfiltered paddock gossip! Daniel Herrero in the #11 DHRC machine holds off Sir Kwietje's 7 Up Racing entry by barely a second! Herrero crosses the line in 5:38.456, a solid 4.357 seconds behind Horta, but word around the garages is Herrero spent the entire second lap screaming into the team radio because his cup holder broke at the Imola chicane!
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FDTV CO-COMMENTATOR: Is that 7 Up car sponsored by the soft drink, or is Sir Kwietje just sipping lemon-lime soda at 200 kilometers per hour? Also, who invited the alien?
FDTV MAIN BOOTH: NOBODY CARES ABOUT THE SODA! FOCUS ON THE SHAME OF THE BRITISH CONTINGENT! Look at Jamie Davies in the #88 Team Maranello Ferrari! A blistering 1:49.683 on lap two—the second fastest lap of the entire race—yet he finishes way down in seventh place! SEVENTH! How do you record a 1:49 and end up behind Steve Earle’s #68 car, who was casually strolling around in 1:50.795?! Word in the pitlane is Davies took the Chateau d'Eau hairpin wide because he was distracted by a heated argument between mechanics over leftover catering sandwiches!
RADAXIAN GUEST: Beep beep.
FDTV MAIN BOOTH: EXACTLY! TRULY UNpardonable! Meanwhile, Guy Smith drags the #80 Veloqx Motorsport car home in eighth place, a full 9.439 seconds off Horta’s pace. Three laps, 13,353 meters of high-voltage GT2 madness, and Scuderia Leitao House takes the trophy with a total race time of 5:34.099! Horta wins! Brazil wins! The paddock in tears!
FDTV CO-COMMENTATOR: So... who won again? Was it the yellow car or the red car? And why are we live on air?
FDTV MAIN BOOTH: UNBELIEVABLE! IT IS A SCUDERIA LEITAO HOUSE VICTORY! HAJA CORAÇÃO! GOODNIGHT FROM MAGNY-COURS!
Ps. Mansell
