Olivier Beretta (#04 Corvette Racing): "Honestly, I saw Fernando's Audi parked near the S do Senna on lap eight and I thought he had just stopped to buy a pastel."
While Johnny O'Connell took a dominant victory at the Autódromo José Carlos Pace, completing 128 laps in 2:49:33.734 aboard the #03 Corvette C6-R ahead of teammate Olivier Beretta, local hero Fernando Horta survived precisely seven laps in his #01 Audi R15 TDI before dropping to the back and retiring. Leaked pit-wall audio from Audi Sport Team Joest reveals what really went down behind the paddock gossip.
Fernando Horta (#01): Guys, the rear end is stepping out in Turn 3. Is the rear wing falling off or did someone spill guaraná on the telemetry sensors again?
Gene Simmons (#01 Chief Strategist): The telemetry is clean, Fernando. Your lap times, however, are a complete crime against heavy metal. You are currently being outpaced by a Creation prototype driven by Chris McMurry.
Fernando Horta (#01): I had a moment with Sarrazin into Curva do Sol! I am managing the tyres!
Gene Simmons (#01 Chief Strategist): You are managing a golf cart. Box this lap. We are pulling the plug on this run before KISS fans witness you getting overtaken by GT1 Corvettes on the main straight.
Fernando Horta (#01): Wait, we are retiring? I just got the front tyres up to temperature!
Gene Simmons (#01 Chief Strategist): We are retiring to save what little dignity remains. Go sit in the motorhome and tell everyone it was electronics. I already informed the journalists it was an alternator failure.
Fernando Horta (#01): That is complete rubbish!
Gene Simmons (#01 Chief Strategist): Keep yelling and I will copyright your excuses for my next box set. Turn the car off.
Ps. Jens, if you are reading this, Gene Simmons took your seat on the pit gantry and refuses to give it back.
