Fofoca & Furia Ticker: BREAKING — BRAZILIAN DRIVER DISCOVERS REVOLUTIONARY NEW RACING STRATEGY INVOLVING NACHOS AND AN EARLY SHOWER! DUDES, WE ARE LIVE FROM MONTEREY WHERE THE SUN SHINES AND OUR BRAVE DUUDE HAS ALREADY QUIT!
Look, we tried to find a polite spin for this one. We really did. Max Rostron took a brilliant overall victory in his Ford Mustang after 14 laps of proper, hard-fought touring car brilliance, crossing the line in 0:24:50.425. Meanwhile, our very own Fernando Horta decided that completing lap one was quite enough exercise for a Sunday afternoon and promptly parked his Shelby GT350 in the gravel trap like a man who just remembered he left the stove on in Copacabana. Caspita! It only took one lap to turn our championship dreams into an expensive paperweight.
Fernando Horta (Verkuylen Driver): Listen, man, the car was talking to me. It said, 'Fernando, why are we turning left and right when there is a very nice margarita stand near the corkscrew?' Who am I to argue with German engineering translated into Portuguese? We tested the suspension, we checked the tyre pressures by getting them completely covered in California dust, and then we retired with extreme dignity. Or exhaustion. Mostly exhaustion.
Faustão (TV Host): Oooooh loco meu! Look at that machine parked in the dirt! That driver is more lost than blind in a shootout! Eh, ta louco!
Ivete Sangalo (Singer): Poeira! Poeira! That is all our car kicked up before going straight to the paddock BBQ! Someone play a axé music track because this race ended before it started, *vumbora*!
The ElderCouncil Intervenes
The Duudes Drivers Council Foundation has noted that Fernando Horta managed a best lap of 2:08.392 on his sole tour of the circuit, which is roughly the time it takes to walk from the pit lane to the beer tent. No penalty is issued because the Council fell asleep watching a rerun of a soap opera.
Ps. Jens, if you are reading this, please send spare parts and a functional clutch pedal, because ours appears to have been traded for three coconuts and a samba CD.
