Losel Racing issued a press release this morning that reads as follows:
Fernando Horta completed three laps of Donington Park in 4 minutes and 53.680 seconds, winning the GT2 sprint by 11.059 seconds over Jozef Venc and leaving the remaining seven Porsche GT3-RS drivers behind in an inexplicable deficit. Horta’s best lap of 1:35.142 in the Coca-Cola Endurance Racing #99 car was over three seconds faster than second-best Gerold Ried (1:38.295) and nearly six seconds clear of Rudi Penders. Losel Racing hereby lodges a formal protest regarding the fuel composition and aerodynamic legality of car #99. Effective immediately, our entire engineering staff has been relieved of duty for failing to notice that Leicestershire has completely lost its sense of pace.
Following the statement, team leadership held an emergency press gaggle behind the Donington paddock building.
Biff Slander (Paddock Enquirer): Flavor Flav, your team was nowhere near the front, yet you are demanding a complete teardown of Horta’s car. Is this a legitimate technical protest or just anger over an 11-second margin?
Flavor Flav (Losel Racing Hype Chief): Yaaaah boy! Do you see this giant clock around my neck? Look at it! It says 4:53.680! Horta didn't drive through the Goddard chicane, he folded space and time! You got Jozef Venc and Gerold Ried fighting over seven tenths for second place in the 1:38s, and this man is floating around in 1:35? That ain't motorsport, that's magic! Time is my business, and somebody is stealing seconds!
Otto Korrekt (GTR2 Technical Digest): Mr. Lackson, official data shows all eight competitors were running identical Porsche GT3-RS machinery. What specific irregularity are you accusing the winning team of using?
Samuel J. Lackson (Losel Racing Team Principal): I have had it with these motherfucking fast laps on this motherfucking race track! You sit there with your clipboard asking me about identical machinery? If the cars are identical, why was the rest of the grid driving like they were looking for parallel parking while Horta was tearing through the Craner Curves? A three-second single-lap gap is not setup, it's pure, unadulterated disrespect!
Paige Turner (Motorsport Weekly): Will Losel Racing boycott the next round if the race stewards refuse to act on your filing?
Samuel J. Lackson (Losel Racing Team Principal): We will show up, but if someone drops another 1:35 on us while the rest of the field is stuck in 1:39 land, I am personally inspecting every air intake with a heavy flashlight. Press gaggle over. Get out of my pit garage.
