The French tarmac of Magny-Cours offered no mercy on Thursday as Luca Capellari steered his BMS Scuderia Italia Ferrari 550 Maranello to a narrow 2.3-second victory over Marc Goossens' Chevrolet Corvette C5-R after 31 laps of intense racing, while Fernando Horta suffered his third consecutive DNF, parking his USSR Lotus Saleen S7-R on lap 8.
Patrick "Paper" Head (Chief Analyst): "I have analyzed the telemetry and the physical chassis. Someone has replaced the primary suspension mounts with compressed tracing paper and structural cardboard. It is sabotage, plain and simple. The car has the structural integrity of a damp croissant."
To process this mechanical tragedy, the garage composed a short song.
(To the tune of 'Yesterday' by The Beatles)
Magny-Cours,
All my bodywork is on the floor,
Patrick says the engine is no more,
Oh, I retired on lap number eight.
Suddenly,
Luca's red Ferrari's all I see,
Then a cloud of smoke envelopes me,
Oh, lap number eight came suddenly.
Why the rods let go, I don't know, they wouldn't stay,
Paper found some foil in the oil, now we must pay.
Saleen S7-R,
You were supposed to be a racing star,
Now you're being towed back to the bar,
Oh, I believe in Magny-Cours.
Ps. tib, please come back. We are out of paper clips and ideas.
