*FDTV THEME MUSIC BLASTS AT MAXIMUM VOLUME WHILE CO-COMMENTATOR REGULARLY CHOKES ON HIS CHURRO*
HOLA, HORA DA VELOCIDADE, AMIGOS DO F-DUUUUUUDE! WE ARE LIVE FROM THE HISTORIC MASARYK CIRCUIT WHERE THE ASPHALT IS MELTING AND THE DUUDES ARE ABSOLUTELY LOSING THEIR MINDS! FIVE LAPS OF PURE, UNADULTERATED PETROL-FUELED MADNESS ACROSS TWENTY-SIX THOUSAND METRES OF PURE ADRENALINE! LOOK AT THEM GO!
Reginaldo Leme (FDTV Expert): Horta is leading in the #01 USSR Lotus F1 Team Mosler MT900R, Galvão, but Lucas Luhr in the #78 V-Tech Porsche 911 Biturbo is setting purple sectors like a man possessed by ancient artifacts! He is literally four-tenths behind!
FOUR TENTHS?! SANTO CRISTO! THAT IS NOT A GAP, THAT IS A MICROSCOPIC SLICE OF BRAZILIAN MANGO! HOLD ON TO YOUR SEATS, FOLKS, BECAUSE THIS RACE IS TIGHTER THAN A BOTTLE OF CHEAP CACHACA ON A SUNDAY NIGHT!
*SFX: LOUD AIRHORN BLARING IN THE BACKGROUND*
And speaking of tight spaces, let's take a quick commercial break to thank our official sponsor for today: Bolas de Sol da Serra, the only snack fried in discarded two-stroke oil that makes you see sounds and taste colours! Eat one, and your lap times will either improve by three seconds or your gearbox will fall into the gravel trap! Bolas de Sol: because digestion is overrated!
WE ARE BACK AND THE CLOCK IS TICKING! FIVE LAPS COMPLETED IN TEN MINUTES AND FIFTY-NINE SECONDS! HORTA TAKES THE CHEQUERED FLAG IN FIRST PLACE BY A MERE 0.427 SECONDS OVER LUHR! CASPITA, WHAT A FIGHT! Ian James takes a lonely third in the #29 Mosler, some sixteen seconds back, while our very own Juliano Flores drags the #29 Gillet Vertigo home to P5 in class after fighting half the grid in a haze of smoke and desperation!
Reginaldo Leme (FDTV Expert): Well, Galvão, according to ancient mystical texts summoned by our guest analyst, this victory has the exact tactical energy of a Lightning Bolt cast directly into an opponent's face during main phase one.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT A LIGHTNING BOLT HAS TO DO WITH GTR2, REGINALDO, BUT IT SOUNDS EXPENSIVE! FERNANDO HORTA WINS AT MASARYK, THE CROWD IS WEEPING, THE CAMERAMAN IS CRYING, AND THE ENTIRE PADDOCK IS LOOKING FOR WHERE JENS HID THE SPARE TYRES! UNBELIEVABLE! UNREAL! GOODNIGHT FROM CZECHOSLOVAKIA!
Ps. Jens, if you are reading this, please return the pit lane coffee machine before the stewards notice it is missing.
