STEVEN RICHARDS STOLE MONZA IN A JACK DANIELS FERRARI 360 GTC AND THE GOVERNING BODY IS IN AN ABSOLUTE FRENZY!
The Suuper Mario World MotorSports MicroSoft Duudes Driivers Council Foundation (SMWMSDDCCF) convened an emergency high-speed tribunal today to issue its official ruling on Motion 20170618/01 following three frantic GT2 laps around the Autodromo Nazionale Monza!
Chief Steward Earthworm Jim slammed his Groovy Super-Suit onto the desk as the official timing exhibits were read aloud to the roaring gallery:
- Exhibit A: Steven Richards (#07 Jack Daniels Racing Ferrari 360 GTC) took the victory in 5:50.217 despite registering a modest best lap of only 1:54.513!
- Exhibit B: Fernando Horta (#27 Scuderia Ferrari) set the absolute fastest lap of the entire race with a blistering 1:53.891—a massive 0.622 seconds per lap faster than the winner—yet finished 2.361 seconds behind in P2!
- Exhibit C: Felipe Massa (#05 Scuderia Ferrari 2007) scorched a 1:53.929 for P3 (+4.720s), proving Scuderia Ferrari had all the raw speed while Richards quietly banked the trophy!
- Exhibit D: Andrea Ravani (#83 Scuderia Monza) took P4 (+8.216s), while Dirk Mueller (#71 Tafel Racing) led the 360 Modena runners in P5 (+12.573s).
Earthworm Jim (Chief Steward): GROOVY! HOW DOES A DRIVER SET THE FASTEST LAP OF THE RACE BY OVER SIX TENTHS AND STILL HAND THE VICTORY TO A WHISKY-SPONSORED FERRARI?! THIS VIOLATES ALL KNOWN LAWS OF HIGH-SPEED PHYSICS!
OFFICIAL RULING: Motion 20170618/01 is officially closed! The Council rules that consistency beats single-lap heroism, Richards keeps the win, and Horta must hand his telemetry over to a plasma cannon. The stewards are now leaving to play arcade bowling!
