GAZZETTA DELLO DUUDE TICKER: MONZA AIR COMPRESSED TO ZERO LAPS! MANSELL DECLARES VICTORY WHILE HORTA FAILS TO MOVE AN INCH! CASPITA!
The espresso machine in the BMW Motorsport garage has been hissing angrily for twenty minutes, and it has nothing to do with the roast. Following an intensely brief zero-lap affair at the Autodromo Nazionale Monza, the #42 BMW M3 GTR of Mansell somehow walked away with the P1 spoils, leaving team mechanics scratching their heads and muttering into their clipboards.
Over in the corner, Patrick "Paper" Head was already tearing apart the telemetry wires, convinced he had found foreign sabotage inside the chassis wiring loom. Or perhaps just an old ham sandwich.
Patrick "Paper" Head (Chief Technical Inquisitor): Look at this solder joint! It is pristine! Too pristine! Somebody has been tampering with the airflow channels using artisanal cheese, I tell you!
Meanwhile, Fernando Horta parked the #43 twin BMW in the adjacent stall, staring blankly at a timing screen that registered precisely zero distance travelled for either car. Zero laps. Zero meters. Maximum confusion.
Fernando Horta (BMW Reserve Driver): Honestly, I just sat there waiting for the lights, but honestly, staying in the garage saved us a lot of petrol. Can I go home now?
BMW Motorsport management has promised a full internal review, though nobody expects any answers before happy hour at the paddock bar.
Ps. Mansell refused to comment on whether he simply overslept in the hospitality suite.
