PERGUSA CHRONICLES: DUST, HEAT, AND MID-PACK MISERY
Fabrizio Gollin took a clean win for BMS Scuderia Italia after 18 laps around the sun-baked Autodromo di Pergusa, while Fernando Horta laboured home in 19th position with 16 laps completed in the Team Maranello Concessionaires Ferrari 360 GT.
Hugh Laurie (#27 Team Principal): Box this lap. People lie, but the tyre temperatures are telling me you are driving this thing like it's made of wet cardboard.
Fernando Horta (#27 Driver): The car won't turn, Hugh. I think someone dropped an espresso machine in the footwell.
Hugh Laurie (#27 Team Principal): Pain is just weakness leaving the chassis. Also, your lap times are offensive. Keep going.
Fernando Horta (#27 Driver): I'm getting overtaken by a Porsche cup car driven by someone's uncle.
Hugh Laurie (#27 Team Principal): Shut up and drive. Everyone lies about their setup, but you're lying about your braking points.
Post-Race Press Gaggle
Kent Komeu - The Punning Herald: Fernando, finishing P19 while Gollin takes the spoils—is this a tactical masterclass in avoiding champagne hangovers?
Fernando Horta: No, Kent. It is a tactical masterclass in being very, very slow.
R.U. Serious - Daily Weekly: Team Principal Laurie stated earlier that people lie. Was your race pace just an elaborate deception?
Fernando Horta: I wish. The stopwatch was unfortunately entirely honest.
Disclaimer: This team does not endorse blaming Italian paving stones for lack of talent.
Ps. This broadcast is brought to you by Duude Energy: when you need to finish two laps down with maximum confidence.
