Fernando Horta won the race at Donington Park.
ABSOLUTE RED DOMINANCE! After the tragic, catastrophic, and completely illegal engine combustion disasters at Monza that left our hero with back-to-back DNFs, Scuderia Ferrari has risen from the ashes like a magnificent, high-revving phoenix! The naysayers said the #27 Ferrari 360 GTC was nothing but expensive Italian muamba, but today we proved that three laps are all we need to completely demoralize the entire GT2 grid! We did not just win; we systematically dismantled the competition with a masterclass in aerodynamic perfection and sheer, unadulterated courage! Eat our dust, Jack Daniels Racing! Weep into your porridge, Beechdean! The red machine is back on top, and the championship trophy is practically already in our suitcase!
Fernando Horta (Driver, #27 Scuderia Ferrari): "Meu Deus, I still have the adrenaline pumping through my eyeballs! After those Monza nightmares where the car basically gave up before I could even finish my first espresso, I was terrified. But the moment I dropped the clutch on this beautiful 360 GTC, I knew we had something special. Donington is no joke, duudes! You go down the Craner Curves and your stomach stays at the top of the hill! I had Steven Richards in the Jack Daniels car glued to my gearbox—literally, I could smell the sour mash coming out of his exhaust! I knew if I gave him even a millimeter of room, he would give me a classic totozinho and send me straight into the gravel. On lap 2, I just closed my eyes, prayed to Saint Galvão Bueno, and absolutely nailed the Old Hairpin. Boom! 1:32.822! That was the lap of my life! I was sweating more than a guy driving a '72 Brasília with a broken radiator in the middle of the Radial Leste rush hour! Massa was somewhere back in P6, probably complaining about his tyre pressures or looking for some Brahma in the fridge, but I didn't care. I just kept my foot pinned to the floor. Crossing that finish line 3.2 seconds ahead of Richards was pure, unfiltered ecstasy! From zero laps at Monza to the top step at Donington! Let's get the caipirinhas rolling!"
PADDOCK GAGGLE
Bernie Ecclestone-Cold (The Daily Shakedown): Fernando, after failing to complete a single lap at Monza, how much of this victory is down to actual driving and how much is just your engine not exploding this time?
Fernando Horta: "First of all, how dare you! Second of all, yes, having the engine stay inside the car for all three laps was a massive help. But the setup was pure magic! We ran 100% Brazilian passion and 0% mechanical sympathy!"
Galvão Bueno-Bueno (FDTV Rede Globo): Horta, Felipe Massa finished way back in P6. Is Scuderia Ferrari now officially a one-man team, and did you sabotage his pasta before the race?
Fernando Horta: "I cannot comment on the pasta, but Felipe is a great friend. He was probably just distracted by the local English scenery. Donington is very green, you know? Excellent for cows, terrible for lap times."
Dr. Ivo Eggman Robotnik (Tyrant Motorsport Engineer): "CURRR-SES! This is completely illogical! My rrr-robotic telemetry calculated a zero percent chance of that red junk-heap surviving three whole laps without its pistons flying into orbit! Horta, you rrr-miserable hedgehog of a driver, you have rrr-ruined my perfect data! Next time, my Tyrant-spec machines will crrr-rush you into red paste!"
Ps. Jens, we know you are hiding in the Jack Daniels garage. Put down the whiskey bottle and come back to the paddock, the Scuderia needs someone to wash the tyres.
