SMWMSDDCCF OFFICIAL RULING
Motion Number: 20080315/34
Subject: The Premature Demise of Car #30 at Autódromo José Carlos Pace
The Suuper Mario World MotorSports MicroSoft Duudes Driivers Council Foundation has met, heavily fortified against disappointment, to review the catastrophic events of the Interlagos round. We begin our findings at the chequered flag, where Claus Damgaard dragged his DeTomaso Pantera across the line to take overall victory in 0:14:45.718, leaving Wolfgang Schachinger and Jorge Ferreira to complete the podium. Meanwhile, down in the classification abyss, thirty-four drivers endured eight grueling laps, while our brave duude Fernando Horta managed precisely three tours before his Porsche 906 dissolved into interpretive art.
Exhibits confirm that Horta actually led the opening three laps of the race with audacious theatrical flair, only to evaporate into the Interlagos atmosphere by lap four, leaving the timing screens in absolute mourning. Expert testimony was summoned from Bowser, who was found lurking suspiciously near the pit wall with a wrench and a half-eaten mushroom:
Bowser (Paddock Mechanic): BWAHAHAHA! He thought he could jump over the fire pits, but gravity and an uncooperative gearbox had other plans! Mario would have cleared it!
The Council accepts these tragic mechanical realities as exhibit A. No further appeals will be entertained, as the data is final and deeply humiliating.
Paddock Lost and Found: One slightly charred turtle shell, a half-deflated Portuguese pastry, and Fernando Horta's remaining dignity. If claimed, please report to the nearest exit.
