Juliano Flores completed exactly six thousand nine hundred and forty-eight metres of Spa-Francorchamps before parking the #29 Maserati MC12 in parc ferme with a DNF, which was still one lap further than anyone else managed. Scuderia Libra mechanics spent the evening meticulously measuring the victory margin of zero seconds over a phantom field.
The race lasted precisely one lap, featuring a masterclass in attrition that left the timing monitors blinking in utter confusion. While the rest of the grid achieved the geometric impossibility of completing a race without turning a wheel, Flores set a blistering 2:46.680 to claim the spoils.
Hugh Laurie (Team Principal): People lie. They tell you endurance racing requires hours of strategic tyre management, fuel saving, and mechanical sympathy. Then someone completes one lap, breaks the car, and wins the race. Everyone lies, but the trophy still looks shiny on my desk. Don't touch it.
Further down the classification, Fernando Horta managed the impressive feat of starting the #01 Maserati and earning a disqualification without troubling the lap counter, proving once again that speed is merely an illusion. Rumour has it Horta spent the duration of his solitary tour debating the aerodynamics of Eau Rouge with a marshal.
Ps. Dave
