It is pouring rain over the Ardennes media tent, and Flavor Flav has just brought a giant illuminated clock on stage to time how long Fernando Horta's tyres lasted before exploding at Spa.
Kent Komeu (The Punning Herald): Flavor, looking at the screens, Roger Wilco strolled to victory across nine laps while Horta set the fastest lap of 2:19.086 yet retired on lap six with a DNF, leaving Davinci two minutes back in second. How does Losel Racing process this kind of absolute chaos?
Flavor Flav (Team Principal): YEEEEAAAH BOY! THAT CLOCK DON'T LIE! LOOK AT IT! Horta was flying out there, setting the pace like a wild man, but public enemy number one is gravity, man! You can't be laying down a two-nineteen-zero-eight-six and expect the engine to stay inside the chassis! He went too fast, baby!
R.U. Serious (Daily Weekly): Samuel, with Roger taking the win for Scuderia Libra by nearly two minutes over Davinci, does this tight championship battle change your team's strategy for the final rounds?
Samuel J. Lackson (Team Manager): *adjusts sunglasses slowly* We have consulted the ledger. The numbers indicate that chaos is a ladder, and right now, everyone is falling off it. Davinci brought that Ferrari 550 home two minutes behind the winner just by staying on the asphalt, which in this league is practically a miracle.
Livio Orificio (AOLUOLBOL): Fernando, you set the absolute blistering pace of the race before packing it in on lap six. What happened out there?
Fernando Horta (Williams Driver): Look, there's a cow on the back straight! No, seriously, the car was a rocket ship until it wasn't. I gave everyone a two-second head start on lap time and they still needed me to pull over so Roger could win!
*Flavor Flav rings a massive cowbell directly into the microphone*
Flavor Flav (Team Principal): FLAVOR TIME IS UP, BABY! YEEEEAAAH!
Ps. Jens was last seen trying to negotiate a trade deal for spare Ferrari parts using only chewing gum and a broken toaster.
