Session 609 - Autodromo Nazionale Monza, Italy
December 08, 2009 03:56pm
Race
Quick Stats
- Track Length: 5.783 km
- Most Distance Covered: 0 laps, 0.000 km
- Simulator Used: GTR2
Race report: Monza Paddock Gossip: Did Moustache Just Outsmart Everyone by Doing Nothing?
GAZZETTA DELLO DUUDE TICKER: MONZA AIR COMPRESSED TO ZERO LAPS! MOUSTACHE DECLARES VICTORY WHILE HORTA FAILS TO MOVE AN INCH! CASPITA!
The espresso machine in the BMW Motorsport garage has been hissing angrily for twenty minutes, and it has nothing to do with the roast. Following an intensely brief zero-lap affair at the Autodromo Nazionale Monza, the #42 BMW M3 GTR of Moustache somehow walked away with the P1 spoils, leaving team mechanics scratching their heads and muttering into their clipboards.
Over in the corner, Patrick "Paper" Head was already tearing apart the telemetry wires, convinced he had found foreign sabotage inside the chassis wiring loom. Or perhaps just an old ham sandwich.
Patrick "Paper" Head (Chief Technical Inquisitor): Look at this solder joint! It is pristine! Too pristine! Somebody has been tampering with the airflow channels using artisanal cheese, I tell you!
Meanwhile, Fernando Horta parked the #43 twin BMW in the adjacent stall, staring blankly at a timing screen that registered precisely zero distance travelled for either car. Zero laps. Zero meters. Maximum confusion.
Fernando Horta (BMW Reserve Driver): Honestly, I just sat there waiting for the lights, but honestly, staying in the garage saved us a lot of petrol. Can I go home now?
BMW Motorsport management has promised a full internal review, though nobody expects any answers before happy hour at the paddock bar.
Ps. Moustache refused to comment on whether he simply overslept in the hospitality suite.
Disclaimer: This is a fictional, satirical report of a online race. No events described on this text are to be taken seriously, and by no means reflect the author or their views, quotes or situations. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental
Classification
| Position | Driver | Team | Car | Laps | Gap | Best Lap | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 |  | MOUSTACHE | BMW MOTORSPORT |  BMW M3 GTR |
0 | DQ | |
| 2 |  | FERNANDO HORTA | BMW MOTORSPORT |  BMW M3 GTR |
0 | DNF |
Related Images
Bmw Motorsport, Bmw M3 Gtr #4142, Driven By Moustache
Bmw Motorsport, Bmw M3 Gtr #4143, Driven By Fernando Horta
Autodromo Nazionale Monza