Session 916 - Autodromo Enzo E Dino Ferrari, San Marino
January 14, 2010 07:38pm
Race
Quick Stats
- Track Length: 4.920 km
- Most Distance Covered: 0 laps, 0.000 km
- Simulator Used: GTR2
Race report: JMB Racing Imola Triumph: Zero Laps, Infinite Glory!
*TICKER - IMOLA SPEEDWAY GAZETTE: RED FLAGS, FLYING CARBON, AND A VICTORY BUILT ON PURE, UNADULTERATED MANA TAP!* IT IS A MASTERPIECE! A TRIUMPH OF THE HIGHEST ORDER! JMB Racing is tapping out five blue mana and casting Counterspell on the entire GT1 field at the Autodromo Enzo e Dino Ferrari! Sam O Sulkyvan has delivered a breathtaking, zero-lap masterclass in the #09 Ferrari 575 GTC across 0.00 kilometers of legendary Italian asphalt!
Our strategy was simple: play Island, pass turn, and watch the entire grid collapse into a rules-text paradox before the red lights even went out. While Carletto's Saleen S7-R suffered a catastrophic DNF and Fernando Horta's mysterious absence left the paddock whispering about illegal deck manipulation, our machine sat on the grid like a Platinum Angel refusing to lose!
Shivan Dragon (JMB Lead Tactician): Tap two red and three colorless Graurrrrrrrrr! We didn't even need to attack! The opponent's life total was already zero when they forgot to read the oracle text on the starting grid! Samurai swords and Saleens alike crumble before our flying keyword!
The Imola Press Gaggle
(Barnaby Quill - The Daily Tapped-Out) Sam, how does it feel to win a race without completing a single rotation of the circuit?
Sam O Sulkyvan (Race Winner): We simply utilized our sideboard effectively. When the referee checked our graveyard, the rules committee had no counter-play left.
(Gideon Jura - Planeswalker Weekly) Is it true that Fernando Horta was merely a token creature sacrificed to pay for your upkeep cost?
Shivan Dragon (JMB Lead Tactician): *SMOKE POURS FROM NOSTRILS* Horta was countered on resolution! Next question before I incinerate your entire hand!
Ps. Rodrigo
Disclaimer: This is a fictional, satirical report of a online race. No events described on this text are to be taken seriously, and by no means reflect the author or their views, quotes or situations. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental
Classification
| Position | Driver | Team | Car | Laps | Gap | Best Lap | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 |  | SAM O SULKYVAN | JMB RACING |  FERRARI 575 GTC |
0 | DQ | |
| 2 |  | CARLETTO | KONRAD MOTORSPORT |  SALEEN S7-R |
0 | DNF |
Practice
| Position | Driver | Team | Car | Best Lap | Gap | Laps |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | CARLETTO | KONRAD MOTORSPORT | SALEEN S7-R | 1:45.886 | 3 |
Related Images
Konrad Motorsport, Saleen S7-r #3002, Driven By Carletto
Jmb Racing, Ferrari 575 Gtc #3009, Driven By Sam O Sulkyvan
Autodromo Enzo E Dino Ferrari