Castle Combe, Wiltshire. After previously treating this picturesque little airfield circuit like his personal yellow playground, Fernando Horta decided to mix things up today by starting from absolute last on the grid (32nd) in the Chevrolet Corvette C6-R GT2. Because starting near the front is for cowards, or people who enjoy clean air. Neither of which interested our brave duude today.
What the numbers say
Ian Jolicoeur won the four-lap dash in his Rahal Letterman Racing BMW E92 M3 GTR, crossing the line in 4:28.310. But he didn't have it easy: Tracy Nolte's AF Corse Ferrari F430 GT2 hounded him all the way to the flag, finishing just 0.520 seconds behind in second place. Talk about a nail-biter that was over before you could finish your tea.
Pole-sitter Kenny Mervin (Team Falken Tire Porsche 996 GT3-RSR — wait, the data says 997 GT3-RSR, let's not anger the Stuttgart purists) had to settle for the final step of the podium, 6.303 seconds adrift of the winner. Kurtis Chandler's BMW Z4 GT3 rounded out the top four, just ahead of Simon Goodwin's Aston Martin.
Now, let's talk about the speed demons. Tracy Nolte slammed in the fastest lap of the race at 1:04.255. Right behind him on raw pace? Johnny Lugnuts, who managed a scorching 1:04.281 in the JMB Racing Ferrari — which is deeply impressive given that Lugnuts started 26th and brought the car home 32nd, proving once again that qualifying is merely a suggestion.
And what of our hero? Horta dragged the yellow Corvette from 32nd on the grid up to 15th position in just four short laps, clocking a brisk 1:05.429 along the way. He passed seventeen cars in four laps. Either the rest of the field was parked having a picnic or the Radial Leste traffic jam had relocated to Wiltshire.
Quotes
Fernando Horta (Corvette Racing, 15th): Starting 32nd is a great way to test your mirrors and your blood pressure. I spent the entire race dodging everything from Panozes to ambition. By lap three I was overtaking cars I didn't even know were entered. The car felt great, but four laps is barely enough time to say hello to everyone you're lapping or being lapped by. Next time I'm starting 1st just so I can remember what the front looks like.
Ian Jolicoeur (Rahal Letterman Racing, winner): P1! I held off a Ferrari for four whole laps! Tracy was so big in my mirrors I thought he was trying to climb into the passenger seat. My tires are crying, my hands are shaking, and I need a lie-down.
Tracy Nolte (AF Corse, 2nd): Fastest lap, half a second off the win, and I still have to look at Jolicoeur's rear bumper on the trophy photo. Next time I'm cutting the chicane. Or just braking later. Probably braking later.
Johnny Lugnuts (JMB Racing, 32nd): Look, I had pace, alright? A 1:04.2 is nothing to sneeze at. Where did I finish? Oh. Well, traffic is a tricky thing when you start 26th and decide to test every gravel trap on the perimeter road.
The council investigates
The Super Mario World MotorSport Offline Solo Sessions Castle Combe Backwards-Grid Duude Foundation (SMWMSOSSCCBGDF) has looked at the timing screens through half-closed eyes and issued these binding decrees:
- Motion 20170622/01: the grid anomaly. The council notes that Fernando Horta somehow ended up starting 32nd in a 32-car field despite setting competitive times all week. Suspecting Vesuvan Doppelganger sabotage or a clerical error involving a very confused clipboard, the council orders all grid sheets to be filed under 'miscellaneous funny business'.
- Motion 20170622/02: Johnny Lugnuts. Setting the second-fastest lap of the entire race while finishing dead last in 32nd is an achievement that defies logic, physics, and basic common sense. The council hereby awards Lugnuts a commemorative shiny rock.
No further thoughts will be given on this matter, and the ElderCouncil will now return to their afternoon nap. *snore*
So what now?
A frantic four-lap sprint, a BMW taking the spoils by a hair, and Horta carving through the pack like a hot knife through dodgy British butter. The saga at Castle Combe concludes with timing monitors full of numbers and more questions than answers.
Next time, the saga continues…
Ps. Dave, if you're reading this from whichever beach or witness protection program you're hiding in: even Johnny Lugnuts found his way to the track today. What's your excuse?
