Felipe Massa took overall victory at Daytona International Speedway after completing 15 laps in 0:12:55.750 aboard his #06 Ferrari 550 Maranello, while our brave duude Fernando Horta managed exactly one lap before parking his #33 Chrysler Viper GTS-R to check out the local souvenir stands.
Fernando Horta (#33 driver): Alan, tell me the telemetry is lying. Did we really just do one lap?
Alan Donatellofson (#33 crew): Relax, boss. The car is lightweight now. Very aerodynamic. Zero tire wear on fourteen of those tires since they never left the truck.
Fernando Horta (#33 driver): FUCK OFF MAN! Massa is out there winning in a Ferrari and I am discussing tire pressure with a guy eating a coxinha in the garage!
Alan Donatellofson (#33 crew): Look on the bright side, duude. Nigel Mansell finished second in a Saleen S7-R, which means we lost to a mustache in a rolling brick. That is historic goss.
Fernando Horta (#33 driver): I heard Moustache spent the entire race complaining about the radio signal playing accordion music.
Alan Donatellofson (#33 crew): That was just me trying to tune into a samba station because watching you drive one lap was depressing.
*STATIC NOISES, FOLLOWED BY THE SOUND OF A DESK BEING PUSHED OVER*
Ps. Wilco
