WE SURVIVED SEBRING! Eighty-one laps of absolute, mind-bending endurance torture under the blistering Florida sun, and the CamelToe Racing garage is bouncing off the pit wall with pure, unadulterated electric energy! Chris Dyson took the overall spoils aboard the #16 Porsche RS Spyder Evo after 2:22:35 of non-stop tarmac warfare, but let me tell you about our own brief, magnificent stint in the spotlight before reality punched us right in the gearbox!
Fernando Horta (Driver #01): FUCK ME, WHAT A RIDE! Two laps! TWO GLORIOUS LAPS of wrestling this massive #01 Audi R10 prototype like an untamed bull before the suspension decided it had seen enough of Sebring's legendary concrete bumps and simply resigned from existence! We were flying out there, absolutely sending it past Brian Moretti's Ferrari on lap one, and then—BAM!—instant metal fatigue and we are parked up watching the rest of the 14-car field conquer the world without us! Unbelievable! Fantastic! Let's do it again next week!
*HEAVY METAL GUITAR RIFF ECHOES THROUGH THE PIT LANE*
Ozzy Osbourne (#01 Crew Chief): BARK AT THE MOON, BABY! The suspension didn't break, it just bit the head off a bat! We are running on pure rock and roll and four dead shock absorbers!
Lemmy Kilmister (#01 Strategist): If you're gonna race, you gotta race to lose! And we lost faster than anyone else on the lead lap! Have another cigarette!
(Lars Ulrich - Drum Solo Weekly) Mr. Horta, your car spent more time on jacks than a heavy metal drum kit during a five-minute solo. Is this an artistic statement against modern dampers?
Fernando Horta: Lars, my man! It's not art, it's percussion! Every time we hit a bump, it sounded like a double-bass pedal going at 300 beats per minute! Pure thrash metal suspension failure!
(Ozzy Osbourne - Rolling Stone) Sharon, where are the keys to the motorhome? Sebring is loud!
Fernando Horta: Quiet, Ozzy, we're doing telemetry analysis! Or drinking beer, I forget which one!
Chris Dyson (#16 Crew): #16 Dyson Racing: Box for more fuel, Dyson Racing Radio: Affirm, and keep an eye out for flying Audi debris.
