SMWMSDDCCF OFFICIAL RULING ON MOTION 20070504/04
HOW DID PHILIPPE ALLIOT WIN A FIVE-LAP RACE BY ZERO POINT ZERO SECONDS AND WHY IS SONIC THE HEDGEHOG CURRENTLY TEARING UP THE PADDOCK TURF IN ABSOLUTE DESPAIR?!
The Suuper Mario World MotorSports MicroSoft Duudes Driivers Council Foundation has gathered inside a heavily fortified snack bar to review Motion 20070504/04 regarding the Circuito de Jerez GT1 showdown. Exhibit A: the timing screens, which show Philippe Alliot's #04 Chrysler Viper GTS-R crossing the stripe dead level with Nigel Mansell's Saleen S7-R at an identical race time of 0:08:40.481! How? Magic? Bad math? Sonic the Hedgehog, acting as our guest paddock marshal, has furiously attempted to spin-dash through the timing tower to find out.
Sonic the Hedgehog (Guest Paddock Marshal): TOO SLOW! EVERYONE IS TOO SLOW! EXCEPT THE VIPER! I AM GOING TO COLLECT ALL THE GOLD RINGS IN PIT LANE AND THROW THEM AT THE STEWARDS UNTIL THEY EXPLAIN LAP FIVE!
Exhibit B: Fernando Horta, pilot of the #01 Ferrari 550 Maranello, who held the lead across laps one, two, and three like a brave duude before inexplicably drifting backward into a fifth-place finish while setting a brisk 1:40.174 best lap. Council investigations reveal Horta was distracted by Sonic demanding to know if Dr. Robotnik was hiding inside the Ferrari's airbox. Meanwhile, Lucas Luhr brought home a steady GT2 class victory in third overall, while Roger Wilco dragged his Viper to seventh after an entertaining scrap.
The Council hereby rules that Alliot and Moustache share the exact same microscopic moment in time, Horta's tactical backward slide is classified as modern art, and Sonic must return the championship trophies he stuffed into his red sneakers immediately. No further thoughts will be given on this matter, and the ElderCouncil will now disperse to play Super Mario Kart on a CRT television.
Ps. Lost and found in the paddock: one pair of golden running shoes, three chili dogs, and Fernando Horta's missing race strategy.
