*TICKER - DIÁRIO DO PNEU MURCHO:* AUSTRALIAN BORDER FORCE CONFIRMS REST OF GT2 GRID WAS NOT DETAINED, THEY WERE SIMPLY DRIVING IN SLOW MOTION.*
The Melbourne media centre was remarkably sterile, smelling faintly of damp Albert Park grass as the top finishers took their seats under the intense, unblinking glare of Losel Racing's management.
Samuel J. Lackson (Losel Racing Moderator): We are going to do this fast, we are going to do this clean, and nobody is going to ask any stupid questions about why the yellow Corvette was six seconds a lap faster than the laws of God and physics should allow. Proceed.
(Geraldo Speed - Gazeta de Pinhais): Fernando, you started eleventh on the grid and won by over forty-three seconds in just ten laps. Did you find a secret highway bypass through the Albert Park golf course?
Fernando Horta: No. To be honest, I thought the other cars had a serious mechanical problem. I actually turned their performance settings up to 102% of their capacity in the garage computer before the race, but on the track, it was like driving through heavy traffic on the Radial Leste. I spent most of the ten laps trying to avoid rear-ending them because they were braking where there were no corners.
Flavor Flav (Losel Racing Timekeeper): *Points to giant clock necklace* BOY, THAT IS AN UNBELIEVABLE GAP! FORTY-THREE POINT SIX SECONDS! THE TIME IS LATE, THE TRAIN IS GONE, YEAH BOY!
Samuel J. Lackson (Losel Racing Moderator): Flav, if you yell about that clock one more time in this press room, I will personally throw it into the lake. Let the reporter from the UK speak.
(Nigel Teatime - The Daily Apex): David Canavan, you started on pole position in the Schubert BMW. You had a clear track ahead of you. How did you end up finishing 43.6 seconds behind a driver who started eleventh?
David Canavan: I drove my absolute heart out, set a personal best of 2:00.323, and felt like a champion. Then the Corvette went past me on lap three. I didn't even hear the engine, just a low whistling noise, and then he was gone. By lap seven, I could only see him when I used binoculars on the back straight. It was a very humbling experience.
(Chuck McSnack - Motorsport Insider): Fernando, your best lap was a 1:54.648, while second-place finisher Canavan's best was a 2:00.323, and the rest of the thirty-car field was similarly grouped in the two-minute mark. How do you explain being six seconds faster per lap?
Fernando Horta: I can only assume my Corvette was fueled by very high-quality fuel, or perhaps the other teams were running on warm Guaraná. I just drove. But really, it was dangerous. They were moving very slowly.
Samuel J. Lackson (Losel Racing Moderator): That is enough of this nonsense. Go home. This conference is officially over.
Ps. Rodrigo, please check if the AI was set to 'easy' or if they were just admiring the local Australian birds. We need a real challenge next time.
