Juliano Flores won the Melbourne Grand Prix while Fernando Horta limped home in 16th.
Scuderia Libra took top honors in Australia as Juliano Flores dominated the 11-lap GT2 sprint by nearly twenty seconds over Jamie Davies. Further back, Fernando Horta brought his #01 Ferrari 360 GTC across the line in a distant P16, nearly fifty-three seconds behind the leader.
Horta (#01): The steering feels like a wet sack of flour, why is Homer Simpson faster than me in a Nissan?
Patrick "Paper" Head (#01 crew): That is because someone poured stale broth into the steering rack, Fernando. It is clear sabotage from the Italians.
Horta (#01): Can we fix it at the pit stop?
Patrick "Paper" Head (#01 crew): No. I am currently folding paper airplanes out of your telemetry sheets because the chassis is structurally compromised by local termites.
Horta (#01): I am getting passed by Jozef Venc. Who is Jozef Venc?
Patrick "Paper" Head (#01 crew): A gentleman driving significantly better than you. Focus on avoiding the pelicans.
Anita Scoop (The Paddock Rumor): Fernando, is it true Juliano Flores bribed your pit crew with Uruguayan pastries to loosen your rear diffuser?
Horta: No comment, but my car was noticeably handling like a wheelbarrow full of wet sand.
Otto Focus (Pitlane Picayune): Mr. Head, do you have physical proof of this chassis tampering?
Patrick "Paper" Head: I found foreign fingerprints on the monocoque and a suspiciously empty jar of mayonnaise near the suspension arms.
Council Note: The Elder Council notes that Position 25 vanished from the official classification entirely, presumably swallowed by a rogue kangaroo.
Ps. Liz, please bring a proper torque wrench next time.
