Ryan Briscoe took overall victory at Monza for Penske Racing, completing 67 laps in 1:40:23.840 as Fernando Horta retired his Audi R10 on lap two.
Fernando Horta (#01): Flying down the Rettifilo. The car feels lighter than usual, almost like half the engine components were tapped for mana and never untapped for the start.
Shivan Dragon (#01 crew): That is because you are driving a diesel prototype like a red aggressive creature without haste, Fernando. Your best lap was a two-minute flat. A basic Forest moves faster than that.
Fernando Horta (#01): I am braking for Seconda Variante now. Something in the rear suspension made a dry crunching sound like a creature spell getting countered at instant speed.
Shivan Dragon (#01 crew): You slammed the curb at two hundred kilometres per hour, you useless goblin. That sound was your rear axle entering the graveyard. We have zero mana left in the pool to pay for your stupidity.
Fernando Horta (#01): The engine died completely near Lesmo one. I am coasting slowly towards the grass. Should I attempt a system restart or sacrifice a permanent?
Shivan Dragon (#01 crew): Do not sacrifice anything. You have already sacrificed our entire team championship standing for two red mana and a useless pit stop. Just step out of the cockpit before I pay red mana to give myself plus-one plus-zero and fly over there to throw you into the Parabolica sand trap.
Fernando Horta (#01): Is there any chance Lucas Luhr in the sister car can lend us a spare suspension upright? We are representing Audi Sport North America together.
Shivan Dragon (#01 crew): Lucas is currently running third overall setting 1:26 lap times. He does not know who you are, nor does he wish to share his sideboards with a driver who draws two laps and discards his entire career into the gravel.
Fernando Horta (#01): My steering wheel monitor is displaying a total race distance of eleven kilometres. Is there a mulligan rule in the FIA sporting code?
Shivan Dragon (#01 crew): There is no mulligan for lack of talent. Put the wheel back on the quick-release column, turn off the radio, and walk back to the paddock through the trees like an exiled token.
Fernando Horta (#01): I can see Terry Borcheller in the Aston Martin pulling away in second place. How is a GT1 vehicle comfortably out-pacing our prototype?
Shivan Dragon (#01 crew): Because Terry plays with actual land cards, whereas you brought a deck consisting entirely of misprints and false promises. Park the Audi before the block melts into sligh debris.
Fernando Horta (#01): The Italian marshals are waving flags at me. I think they want an autograph.
Shivan Dragon (#01 crew): They want you to clear your burned carcass off the racing line so real pilots can finish sixty-seven laps without stepping on you. End turn, Fernando. End turn forever.
Ps. Liz, if you are reading this, please send a creature with flying to lift this Audi out of the woods.
