Did Fernando Horta really secure a third-place podium at the Nürburgring through tactical genius, or did the entire GT field simply forget how to overtake a rolling roadblock?
The 16-lap GTR2 marathon at the 5.1-kilometer German circuit saw Driver 57 steer the Primetime Race Group Viper to victory in 32:35.179, closely trailed by Driver 70's Lamborghini. But all the pit-lane gossip focused on Horta (#63 Corvette Racing), who somehow snagged P3 (+4.366s) despite recording a top lap of 2:00.288—a full three seconds slower than Driver 99 down in 11th place (1:56.938). Meanwhile, Shaka's CamelToe Mustang folded on lap 4, and the Morons Licking Tomatoes duo of Bossie and Tibbie slunk home in 17th and 19th.
Fernando Horta (#63): Box, box! The rear tyres are softer than warm butter, and my lap times are an absolute embarrassment. Why is nobody passing me?
Team Principal Skinner (#63 crew): Wait, who is on this line? Is this the catering truck? Why are there so many buttons glowing red?
Fernando Horta (#63): It is Fernando! I am holding P3! Keep telling me the gap to Driver 98 behind me—he is lapping two seconds faster and flashing his headlights!
Team Principal Skinner (#63 crew): An Audi? I thought we were racing sports cars. Should I wave a green flag or a napkin at him? I have no idea what is going on here.
Fernando Horta (#63): Just tell me Shaka is still out! The gossip over the telemetry is that he binned the Mustang into the tyre wall on lap four!
Team Principal Skinner (#63 crew): Oh, the loud yellow car? Yes, he stopped moving ages ago. Very peaceful. Are you winning yet, or are we just parked near the sausage kerbs?
Fernando Horta (#63): I finished third! A podium! I drove like a '72 Brasília in peak Radial Leste traffic and still got champagne!
Team Principal Skinner (#63 crew): Wait, we won a trophy? Does it come with sandwiches? Please tell me somebody ordered sandwiches.
Ps. Lost and Found: One shattered Mustang front splitter found near Turn 3 (claim at the CamelToe awning). Also found behind the pit wall: one pair of reading glasses labeled 'Property of Scuderia Libra—do not touch unless you know what a pit window is.'
