Fernando Horta retired his Ferrari 360 GT on lap 16 of the Monza GP, finishing 26th while Thomas Biagi cruised to an 18-lap victory.
Team Maranello Concessionaires issued a press release this morning that reads as follows:
Following the catastrophic engine failure on the main straight of the Autodromo Nazionale Monza, Team Maranello Concessionaires must categorically reject any rumors of substandard maintenance or driver negligence. The smoke observed coming from the #88 car was a controlled release of thermal energy designed to prevent a tear in the space-time continuum.
Our newly appointed chief of propulsion systems, Dr. Ivo Eggman Robotnik, has finalized his preliminary post-mortem of the flat-plane V8. He issued the following statement regarding the mechanical carnage:
Dr. Ivo Eggman Robotnik (Chief of Prrropulsion): "The prrroblem was not the engine! The prrroblem was the utter lack of vision from the Italian federation! We rrreplaced the standard air filter with a high-velocity suction turbine to catch those fast blue hedgehogs, but the sandy Italian air rrruined the combustion chamber! It was a gRReat and glorious experiment! The pistons did not melt, they simply became part of the exhaust manifold! A brilliant victory for rrrobotics!"
Despite this minor setback, we remain committed to Dr. Robotnik's vision of fully automated pit stops for the next round.
Immediately following the publication of the document, a brief and highly chaotic press conference was held behind the grandstands.
(Livio Orificio - AOLUOLBOL) "How do you explain the fact that Horta's best lap of 1:53.541 was nearly fifteen seconds slower than Rob Van Der Zwaan's blistering 1:38.873 in the Viper?"
Dr. Ivo Eggman Robotnik: "Speed is a subjective illusion! While the Viper was busy burning rubber like a primitive beast, we were gathering invaluable therrmal data at a highly dignified pace! Additionally, our rrradar detectors were calibrated for supersonic blue targets, not Dutchmen in Chryslers!"
(Tião Feto - FIA Times) "Did the unknown driver in the JMB Ferrari on lap 3 also suffer from this robotic intervention?"
Dr. Ivo Eggman Robotnik: "He lacked the steel will to survive my modifications! He retired to the paddock to cry into his espresso. Trruly pathetic!"
Ps. Team Maranello Concessionaires’ participation in the Monza GP was brought to you by Eggman Industrial Alloys: "If it doesn't bend, we didn't build it."
