26. That is the official finishing position assigned to Fernando Horta at Daytona International Speedway—a race in which precisely 24 cars crossed the starting line.
The Supreme United Panel for Executive Racing & FD Universal Disciplinary Enforcement Safety Council (S.U.P.E.R.F.D.U.U.D.E.S.C.O.U.N.C.I.L.) convened this morning to deliberate on Motion 20240218/01 regarding severe mathematical glitches discovered in the official 200-lap timing database.
Having thoroughly audited the official telemetry logs, the Council submits the following binding facts as Exhibits:
Exhibit A: Matteo Bobbi piloted the #01 BMS Scuderia Italia Ferrari 550 Maranello to a dominant victory, completing 200 laps in 2:41:19.380, finishing one lap ahead of Jamie Campbell-Walter in the #27 Creation Autosportif Lister Storm.
Exhibit B: Fernando Horta briefly disrupted paddock reality by leading the race from lap 4 through lap 11 in his #01 Williams Grand Prix Ferrari 550 Maranello, before his front suspension disintegrated on lap 16, resulting in a mandatory DNF.
Exhibit C: The official standings completely omit positions 23 and 25, ultimately categorizing Horta's 16-lap effort as 26th place. Telemetry confirms that two non-existent ghost vehicles were credited with finishing ahead of him.
During oral arguments, officials from Losel Racing provided expert testimony regarding the missing grid positions.
Samuel J. Lackson (Losel Racing Chief Steward): "I have had it with these motherf***ing arithmetic errors on this motherf***ing timing screen! You count up to twenty-two, skip twenty-three, jump to twenty-four, skip twenty-five, and drop a man in twenty-sixth? That ain't how math works, my duudes!"
Flavor Flav (Losel Racing Timing Executive): "Yeeeeeaaaah boy! Clock tickin', clock tockin', but somebody in the timing booth was cold lampin'! You can't just hand out P26 when there ain't even twenty-five cars on the track! Check the giant clock around my neck, boy!"
OFFICIAL RULING: Motion 20240218/01 is hereby upheld in part. The Council decrees that Horta's 26th-place classification shall stand as a administrative penalty for leading eight laps without prior written approval, while missing positions 23 and 25 are officially reclassified as wildlife preserves. The Council will now adjourn for karaoke.
Ps. Dave, where are you?!
