Juliano Flores won the race at Spa-Francorchamps.
The Super Mario World MotorSports Council of Flemish Administrative Disputes (SMWMSCFAD) has issued its final decision regarding Motion 20170618/01, brought forward following a highly unusual Grand Prix in the Belgian Ardennes.
After reviewing the official timing screens, the Council notes the following exhibits:
- Exhibit A: Driver Dave (#49, Losel Racing) recorded an astonishingly fast lap of 2:26.515, demonstrating massive pace before retiring on lap 5 with a DNF.
- Exhibit B: Driver Juliano Flores (#29, Scuderia Libra) completed all 6 laps to take the chequered flag in 24:25.146, despite a best lap of 2:47.398—a staggering 20.8 seconds slower than his rival's peak pace.
A formal protest was lodged suggesting that winning a race while moving at the speed of continental drift constitutes an offense to the spirit of speed.
However, Scuderia Libra's leadership was entirely unmoved by the telemetry.
President Luca di Guevara (Scuderia Libra): "Caspita! What is this rubbish? Gara is about crossing the line, not about showing off! Who cares if Juliano drove like a nonna looking for her lost glasses? We completed the six laps! Dave is in the barrier, yes? Bravissimo! Winning is winning, for dios mio! Give us the trophy and the heavy red wine!"
The Council agrees. While Dave's speed was heroic, you cannot win a motor race from inside a tyre wall. The motion is denied, the classification stands, and the Council is now going to find some Belgian beer.
Ps. tib, please come back, we need someone to actually race this guy.
