{ Fernando Horta } → Racing Games

Race report: Oschersleben Press Conference: Lister Storms Germany as Horta Battles Lawn Mower Physics

*A low, rhythmic rattling comes from the ventilation system as several journalists try to dry their wet socks on the media center radiators.*

(Dieter Gross - Magdeburg Motorsport-Zeitung): Jean-Marc, you finished thirty-eight seconds ahead of Mika Salo's Maserati with a best lap of 1:25.882. Was the Lister Storm actually adhering to the laws of physics today, or did you find an illegal shortcut through the triple-chicane while the marshals were distracted?

Jean-Marc Gounon: The car was behaving like a heavy oak wardrobe on caster wheels, but the wardrobe happened to have a very large engine. I did not see any shortcuts, only Mika Salo getting progressively smaller in my mirrors until he was the size of an insect. If the Maserati team wanted to catch me, they should have built a faster car. I drove in twenty-seven circles and now I would like to eat some sausage and go home.

(Matti Korhonen - Helsinki Daily): Mika, second place is a solid result for the AF Corse squad, but a forty-second deficit to a British brick looks somewhat alarming. What happened to the pace of the Maserati MC12?

Mika Salo: The Italian horsepower went to have an espresso around lap twelve. The understeer was so heavy that I believed I was steering a ferry across the Baltic Sea. I spent most of the forty minutes trying not to think about the fact that Matt Kenseth's Lamborghini was only six seconds behind me at the line. Second is second, but my hands are still vibrating and I do not like the coffee they serve in this media lounge.

(Tiago Silva - Gazeta de Interlagos): Fernando, you finished tenth overall in G3, a lap behind Bob Sinclair's Viper and even behind the GT2 Porsche of Jan Vonka. Your best lap was a 1:34.050, almost ten seconds off Gounon's pace. Is the Gillet Vertigo Streiff actually a race car, or did the Lotus F1 Team simply glue plastic wings onto a very loud lawnmower?

Fernando Horta: The Gillet Vertigo has many beautiful qualities, but moving forward is not currently one of them. Every time I hit the straight, the Viper of Sinclair passed me so fast that the wind almost took my helmet off. It felt like driving a 1972 Brasília with three flat tires through heavy traffic on the Radial Leste. At least I finished twenty-five laps, which is twenty-four more than my last disaster here, so I will not complain too much. But yes, the lawnmower comparison is actually quite respectful to our actual engine power.

(Gex - Gecko TV): Fernando, this race felt longer than a Boy George marathon at Richard Simmons' house, but do you think we can blame the lack of traction on the German humidity, or did someone spill cold sauerkraut on our rear tires during the pit stop?

Fernando Horta: Gex, please do not talk to me about Boy George right now, my lower back is entirely ruined from the cockpit. I think the rear tires were actually made of cold cheese.

(Jean-Pierre Clouseau - L'Equipe): A question for anyone who saw it: Greg Biffle was running a decent pace in the #16 Lamborghini Murciélago but retired on lap 23. Did he run out of fuel or did he simply remember he had a flight to catch?

Jean-Marc Gounon: I passed his car parked near the final corner. He was looking at the engine bay with the expression of a man who has just found a dead pigeon in his mailbox. In GT1, when the Italian engine decides it is finished, it is finished.

(Lucio Santos - Rádio Transamérica): Fernando, you got a small totozinho from Mike Jordan's Porsche on lap nine that almost put you into the gravel. Did you think about retiring the car and joining the marshals for a cold Brahma?

Fernando Horta: The temptation was very high, especially when Gerold Ried's Porsche passed me like I was parked. But the team told me over the radio that if I retired, Gex would write the official team press release, so I stayed on track out of sheer terror.

Ps. Moustache, we know you are hiding behind the tyre barriers near Turn 3. Please come back, the team misses your excuses.

Disclaimer: This is a fictional, satirical report of a offline race against AI-driven opponents. All characters are fictional. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental

Classification

Position	Class		Driver	Team	Car	Laps	Gap	Best Lap
1	GT1		JEAN-MARC GOUNON	CREATION AUTOSPORTIF	LISTER STORM	27	0:39:51.157	1:25.882
2	GT1		MIKA SALO	AF CORSE	MASERATI MC12	27	+ 38.522	1:26.785
3	GT1		MATT KENSETH	DEWALT TOOLS TEAM	LAMBORGHINI MURCIELAGO R-GT	27	+ 44.480	1:27.185
4	GT1		BEPPE GABBIANI	DAMS	LAMBORGHINI MURCIELAGO R-GT	27	+ 01:10.238	1:27.102
1	GT2		LUCAS LUHR	MARTINI	PORSCHE GT3-RSR	26	+ 1 LAP	1:29.898
2	GT2		MIKE JORDAN	TEAM EUROTECH	PORSCHE GT3-RS	26	+ 1 LAP	1:31.357
1	G3		BOB SINCLAIR	MARLBORO RACING	VIPER COMPETITION COUPE	26	+ 1 LAP	1:31.939
3	GT2		GEROLD RIED	PROTON COMPETITION	PORSCHE GT3-RS	25	+ 2 LAPS	1:32.495
4	GT2		JAN VONKA	VONKA RACING	PORSCHE GT3-RS	25	+ 2 LAPS	1:32.011
2	G3		FERNANDO HORTA	LOTUS F1 TEAM	GILLET VERTIGO STREIFF	25	+ 2 LAPS	1:34.050
5	GT1		GREG BIFFLE	NATIONAL GUARD TEAM	LAMBORGHINI MURCIELAGO R-GT	23	+ 4 LAPS	1:27.086

Fastest Lap Progression

Every time the race's fastest lap was beaten, from lap 2 (lap 1 is a standing start).

Lap Chart

Position at the end of every lap, FERNANDO HORTA highlighted. Hover a line or a name to follow a driver, click or tap to keep it highlighted; dashed lines are cars that retired.

Leaders

1 lead change over 27 laps.

Gaps

Time behind at the end of every lap. The scale stops at about one lap (1:32.734): lines break where a car drops further back. Hover or tap a line to follow a driver.

Lap by Lap

Each lap's notable moments, quiet stretches grouped; tap a row for the full order with lap times and gaps. The logs don't record pit stops: they're worked out from lap times, so a spin that costs as much time can read as one.

Related Images

Creation Autosportif, Lister Storm #3019, Driven By Jean-marc Gounon

Team Eurotech, Porsche Gt3-rs #3074, Driven By Mike Jordan

National Guard Team, Lamborghini Murcielago R-gt #4016, Driven By Greg Biffle

Dewalt Tools Team, Lamborghini Murcielago R-gt #4017, Driven By Matt Kenseth

Martini, Porsche Gt3-rsr #4019, Driven By Lucas Luhr

Dams, Lamborghini Murcielago R-gt #4026, Driven By Beppe Gabbiani

Af Corse, Maserati Mc12 #4033, Driven By Mika Salo

Vonka Racing, Porsche Gt3-rs #4057, Driven By Jan Vonka

Proton Competition, Porsche Gt3-rs #4069, Driven By Gerold Ried

Marlboro Racing, Viper Competition Coupe #4077, Driven By Bob Sinclair

Lotus F1 Team, Gillet Vertigo Streiff #9001, Driven By Fernando Horta

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