Session 1424 - Circuit De Spa-francorchamps, Belgium
April 22, 2010 12:22pm
Race
Quick Stats
- Track Length: 6.948 km
- Most Distance Covered: 0 laps, 0.000 km
- Simulator Used: GTR2
Race report: Spa Race Notes: Audi Sport Claims Explosive P1 Disqualification!
TICKER: PITPASS PARADISE REPORTS HISTORIC SPA TRIUMPH AS HORTA CLAIMS P1 DQ WITH ZERO LAPS OF PURE BRAZILIAN SPEED!
Audi Sport North America is bursting with absolute pride after a thrilling session at Circuit de Spa-Francorchamps! While the official classification awkwardly lists Fernando Horta with 0 laps and a massive 'DQ' label, the team insists that being ranked first on the official result sheet—disqualification or not—is proof of pure, unfiltered dominance! Nobody entered Turn 1 with more raw enthusiasm or less regard for pit-lane traffic regulations than our brave hero in the #01 Audi R10!
Fernando Horta: "DUUUUUUDE! What an absolutely glorious afternoon in Belgium! The torque on this Audi R10 TDI is completely out of control! I fired up the diesel V10, dropped the clutch, and I swear the car accelerated so fast it bypassed the laws of physics entirely! Sure, the marshals claimed I left the pitlane long before the green light and obliterated a row of ceremonial cones, but who keeps track of those tiny administrative details? I saw a black flag being waved at me on lap zero and I thought, 'Wow, they are saluting my aggressive warm-up lap!' P1 on paper is P1 in my heart, duude! Plus, we saved 100% of our fuel budget!"
--- RADIO EXTRACT ---
Horta (#01): DUUDE! WHY ARE ALL THE MARSHALS WAVING BLACK CLOTHS AT ME?! IS THIS A TRADITIONAL BELGIAN WELCOME?!
Audi Pit Wall: Fernando, stop! You blew past the pit exit red light and clipped two plastic chairs!
Horta (#01): THOSE CHAIRS WERE ON MY RACING LINE! CAR FEELS AMAZING!
Audi Pit Wall: We got disqualified, Fernando! Box now, box now!
Press Gaggle:
(Gaston Piston - La Gazette Du Chicane): Fernando, how can you claim victory when the timing screen clearly shows zero laps completed?
Horta: Simple! Zero laps means zero tyre degradation! It was a masterclass in pit strategy, my friend!
(Beto Volta - O Pneu Amarelo): Did the Losel Racing crew advise you on this aggressive start procedure?
Horta: They told me to give everything from the very beginning, so I gave everything before the session even started!
Flavor Flav (Losel Racing): YEEEEAH BOYYY! ZERO LAPS, MAXIMUM SWAGGER! THE CLOCK AROUND MY NECK SAYS WE ARE CHAMPIONS REGARDLESS OF THAT DQ, BOY!
Samuel J. Lackson (Losel Racing): I HAVE HAD IT WITH THESE MOTHERFUCKING STEWARDS ON THIS MOTHERFUCKING GRID! HORTA WAS CLASSIFIED P1 AND THAT IS ALL THAT MATTERS!
Ps. Correction: An earlier version of this report stated that Fernando hit two plastic chairs. It was actually one chair and a giant inflatable rubber duck promoting Ardennes tourism.
Disclaimer: This is a fictional, satirical report of a online race. No events described on this text are to be taken seriously, and by no means reflect the author or their views, quotes or situations. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental
Classification
| Position | Driver | Team | Car | Laps | Gap | Best Lap | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 |  | FERNANDO HORTA | AUDI SPORT NORTH AMERICA | AUDI R10 | 0 | DQ |
Related Images
Audi Sport North America, Audi R10 #7001, Driven By Fernando Horta
Circuit De Spa-francorchamps