Session 1878 - Istanbul Park, Turkey

June 04, 2010 03:37pm

Race

Quick Stats

Track Length: 5.251 km
Most Distance Covered: 7 laps, 36.757 km
Simulator Used: GTR2

Race report: Istanbul Press Room Melts Down As Horta Completes Zero Laps

DAILY ISTANBUL GOSSIP: TURKISH DELIGHT OR TOTAL DISASTER?

The paddock media centre at Istanbul Park is currently smelling intensely of stale cardamom tea, leaked telemetry arguments, and sheer panic. Fernando Horta managed precisely zero laps in the #01 Audi R10 before evaporating from the timesheets, leaving us with zero data and a mountain of drama. Crew Chief Alan Donatellofson was heard on the radio muttering sarcastic condolences before unplugging his headset to go look at stray cats. Here is how the post-race press conference unfolded among the survivors.

(Beto Marmelo - Radial Leste Gazette) Fernando, we noticed your car never actually moved off the grid. Is this a new aerodynamic strategy to save fuel, or did you simply forget how clutch pedals work?

Fernando Horta (Driver - #01 Audi R10): Look, Beto, the #01 car and I had a deeply spiritual disagreement about the existence of Turn 1. Why chase ghosts for seven laps when you can achieve inner peace in the pit lane? Ask Dyson how stressful it is out there.

(Luiza Falcão - PitLane Paparazzi) Chris Dyson, congratulations on taking the overall win in 14:52.032 with the #20 Porsche, but rumors say you spent the entire slowdown lap arguing with Alan Donatellofson about smuggled muamba parts. Care to comment?

Chris Dyson (Winner - #20 Porsche RS Spyder Evo): Honestly, I didn't even know Donatellofson was on the radio. Halfway through the race, my headset was just broadcasting faint sounds of someone eating a very crunchy pastel de queijo and complaining about traffic on the Radial Leste.

(Geraldo Peixe - O Globo Esporte) Andy Pilgrim, you brought the #33 Corvette home in third overall and first in GT1. Did you see what happened to Eric van de Poele when his #12 Ferrari collided on lap four?

Andy Pilgrim (Podium Finisher - #33 Corvette C6-R): Mate, I was driving flat out through those sweeping Turkish sweepers. Van de Poele's car just decided it wanted to become a modern art installation. All I heard on the radio was Alan Donatellofson shouting over our channel that Horta was already back in the motorhome eating brigadeiro.

Lost and found in the paddock: One slightly charred carbon-fibre wing mirror, three left racing boots of mismatched sizes, and a laminated manifesto demanding free Brahma for all mechanics. Please claim at the media desk before the cleaners throw them into the Bosphorus.

Disclaimer: This is a fictional, satirical report of a offline race against AI-driven opponents. All characters are fictional. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental

Classification

Position	Class	Driver	Team	Car	Laps	Gap	Best Lap
1	LMP2	CHRIS DYSON	2007 DYSON RACING	PORSCHE RS SPYDER EVO	7	0:14:52.032	2:06.265
1	LMP1	GIL DE FERRAN	2009 DE FERRAN RACING	ACURA ARX-02	7	+ 05.088	2:06.948
1	GT1	ANDY PILGRIM	2007 CORVETTE RACING	CORVETTE C6-R	7	+ 07.446	2:06.508
2	LMP2	SEIJI ARA	2009 NAVI TEAM GOH	PORSCHE RS SPYDER EVO	7	+ 13.584	2:06.459
2	LMP1	TOMAS ENGE	ASTON MARTIN RACING	DOME S102 AMR	7	+ 14.654	2:06.981
2	GT1	JOHNNY OCONNELL	2007 CORVETTE RACING	CORVETTE C6-R	7	+ 18.090	2:07.825
3	LMP2	ANDY LALLY	2008 DYSON RACING	PORSCHE RS SPYDER EVO	7	+ 19.185	2:10.186
3	GT1	OLIVER GAVIN	2007 CORVETTE RACING	CORVETTE C6-R	7	+ 20.044	2:07.635
3	LMP1	MIKE DAVIES	1999 DOLLAHITE RACING	FERRARI 333 SP	7	+ 22.566	2:07.775
4	LMP1	HIDEKI NODA	2009 ECO RACING	RADICAL SR10	7	+ 23.578	2:09.400
5	LMP1	MARCO WERNER	2009 AUDI N. AMERICA	AUDI R15 TDI	7	+ 23.888	2:08.720
4	GT1	PHIL HOOKS	2008 HOWARD BOSS	MC12	7	+ 32.151	2:11.480
4	LMP2	LUIS DIAZ	2009 FERNANDEZ RACING	ACURA ARX-01	7	+ 37.601	2:12.611
5	LMP2	GUNNAR VAN DER STEUR	2009 VAN DER STEUR	RADICAL SR9	7	+ 39.634	2:10.822
5	GT1	ANTONIO GARCIA	2007 TEAM MODENA	ASTON DBR9	7	+ 40.166	2:08.107
6	LMP1	CHRISTIAN KLIEN	2007 PEUGEOT TOTAL	PEUGEOT 908	7	+ 44.763	2:10.367
6	GT1	DIDIER THEYS	2007 DORAN RACING	MC12	7	+ 53.640	2:08.416
7	LMP1	ERIC VAN DE POELE	1998 DOYLE RISI	FERRARI 333 SP	4	DNF (Collision)	2:10.920
8	LMP1	JON FIELD	2007 INTERSPORT RACING	CREATION CA06/H	1	DNF (Collision)	2:15.781
9	LMP1	FERNANDO HORTA	2007 AUDI SPORT N.AMERICA	AUDI R10	0	DNF

Lap Chart

Position at the end of every lap, FERNANDO HORTA highlighted. Hover a line or a name to follow a driver, click or tap to keep it highlighted; dashed lines are cars that retired.