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Race report: Nürburgring Nought: Autorlando Dispatches No Laps

Fernando Horta did not cross the line, completed zero laps, and incurred a disqualification alongside Roger Wilco at the Nürburgring Nordschleife.

Autorlando Sport issued a press release this morning that reads as follows:

To whom it may concern, and particularly to any temporal mechanics currently lingering about the Eifel mountains: Autorlando Sport wishes to formally clarify that our entry into the Nürburgring endurance session concluded precisely where it began, which is to say nowhere at all. We reject any insinuation that our Porsche GT3-RSR was merely parked behind the barrier to avoid damp conditions, nor do we accept responsibility for the mysterious disappearance of the entire starting grid prior to the green flag. As Lieutenant Frank Drebin noted during the inquiry into the seismic disturbances at the downtown Nordberg warehouse, nothing to see here, please disperse. Our legal department is currently reviewing whether zero laps completed constitutes a new efficiency record or merely an administrative oversight by people who clearly lack proper accreditation. We have meanwhile instructed our chief mechanic, who bears a striking resemblance to a confused Leslie Nielsen holding a melted rubber hose, to inspect the premises for rogue steam pipes and missing plot points.

Ps. Wilco, if you are also stuck in the Nordschleife fog bank with a car that refuses to move, try checking if someone unplugged the controller again.

Disclaimer: This is a fictional, satirical report of a online race. No events described on this text are to be taken seriously, and by no means reflect the author or their views, quotes or situations. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental

Classification

Position		Driver	Team	Car	Laps	Gap	Best Lap
1		FERNANDO HORTA	AUTORLANDO SPORT	PORSCHE GT3-RSR	0	DQ
2		ROGER WILCO	ALDA MOTORSPORT	PORSCHE GT3-RS	0	DNF

Related Images

Autorlando Sport, Porsche Gt3-rsr #0, Driven By Fernando Horta

Alda Motorsport, Porsche Gt3-rs #0, Driven By Roger Wilco

Nürburgring