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Race report: Spa Race Notes: Lotus F1 Team tames the Lister Storm in V12 shootout!

6.614 seconds. That is the precise amount of existential dread we administered to Jamie Campbell-Walter and the rest of the Lister fleet at the legendary Spa-Francorchamps circuit. In what can only be described as a monotypic V12 battle of biblical proportions, Lotus F1 Team took a chassis designed by our rivals, polished it with some classic Brazilian ingenuity, and left the works teams weeping in the Ardennes forest. With all five starters steering the mighty Lister Storm, there was nowhere to hide; it was a pure test of who could tame the British beast on Belgian soil without flying off into the scenery. We did, they did not, and the trophy is currently being used to store premium Belgian chocolates in our motorhome.

Fernando Horta (Driver): "To be honest, I am still trying to get the smell of hot oil and scorched rubber out of my overalls. The Lister Storm is not a racing car; it is an industrial boiler with wheels and an attitude problem. Driving it around Spa is like trying to guide an angry rhinoceros through a pottery shop, especially when you have Campbell-Walter and Schlesser breathing down your neck. The start of the race was just a wall of sound—five V12 engines roaring together, sounding like the end of the world. I managed to find some clean air early on, which was crucial because the dirty air behind another Storm is basically a wall of brick dust and despair."

"Once we cleared Eau Rouge on the first lap, I just put my foot down and prayed. I managed to hook up a 2:12.568 on my best lap, which I genuinely think is some kind of spiritual miracle because at Pouhon I was sliding so much I could see the spectators through my side window. I knew Campbell-Walter was pushing hard behind me—he got down to a 2:13.838—but my Lister was simply on rails, or at least on very thick, heavy-duty iron tracks. By Lap 3, the gap was expanding nicely. I had a slight scare at the Bus Stop chicane on Lap 4 because I got distracted trying to calculate if my lead was large enough to warrant a quick detour to the paddock for some local fries. I missed the apex completely, got a bit of the sausage kerb, and for a second, I thought I was going to fly straight into the pit lane entry. But the car landed, the V12 barked, and we held it together to cross the line six seconds clear. It was a perfect race, really. I am just glad we do not have to drive this heavy wardrobe of a car again anytime soon."

Shivan Dragon (Director of Combustion and Red Mana): "The engine was absolutely on fire today, literally and metaphorically. We spent three red mana before the start to give Fernando flying and first strike through Eau Rouge, and on the Kemmel Straight we tapped our remaining mountains to pump the Lister’s power by +3/+0. The stewards tried to play a Disenchant on our rear wing on Lap 3, but we countered it with a basic island we had hidden under the telemetry console. A dominant victory. They are still trying to figure out how we resolved our combat damage phase so quickly."

Ps. Goofy, wherever you are, we hope you are enjoying the local Belgian brews, but we need you back in the garage because the tire warmers are acting up again!

Disclaimer: This is a fictional, satirical report of a offline race against AI-driven opponents. All characters are fictional. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental

Classification

Position		Driver	Team	Car	Laps	Gap	Best Lap
1		FERNANDO HORTA	LOTUS F1 TEAM	LISTER STORM	5	0:11:19.038	2:12.568
2		JAMIE CAMPBELL-WALTER	LISTER RACING	LISTER STORM	5	+ 06.614	2:13.838
3		JEAN LOUIS SCHLESSER	SCHLESSER AVENTURES	LISTER STORM	5	+ 09.186	2:14.635
4		ANDREA PICCINI	LISTER RACING	LISTER STORM	5	+ 09.683	2:14.298
5		MIKA SALO	X4R RACING	LISTER STORM	5	+ 22.206	2:16.832

Lap Chart

Position at the end of every lap, FERNANDO HORTA highlighted. Hover a line or a name to follow a driver, click or tap to keep it highlighted; dashed lines are cars that retired.

Leaders

FERNANDO HORTA led every lap.

Gaps

Time behind at the end of every lap. The scale stops at about one lap (2:15.741): lines break where a car drops further back. Hover or tap a line to follow a driver.

Lap by Lap

Each lap's notable moments, quiet stretches grouped; tap a row for the full order with lap times and gaps. The logs don't record pit stops: they're worked out from lap times, so a spin that costs as much time can read as one.

Related Images

Lister Racing, Lister Storm #3014, Driven By Jamie Campbell-walter

Lister Racing, Lister Storm #3015, Driven By Andrea Piccini

X4r Racing, Lister Storm #6057, Driven By Mika Salo

Schlesser Aventures, Lister Storm #6100, Driven By Jean Louis Schlesser

Lotus F1 Team, Lister Storm #9001, Driven By Fernando Horta

Circuit De Spa-francorchamps