Session 808 - Autodromo Nazionale Monza, Italy
January 03, 2010 08:15pm
Race
Quick Stats
- Track Length: 5.783 km
- Most Distance Covered: 3 laps, 17.349 km
- Simulator Used: GTR2
Race report: Monza Meltdown: Barrichello Wins 3-Lap Sprint While Horta Suffers Instant Lap 0 Catastrophe
IT IS OVER! RUBENS BARRICHELLO CROSSES THE LINE TO WIN AT MONZA! BRAWN GP TRIUMPHS IN THE FERRARI 550! *screaming into the microphone with veins bulging on the neck* WHAT A SENSATIONAL SPRINT! But wait, my friends! Turn back the clock! Rewind the tape! Let us return to the very start of this ultra-short three-lap madness, because the biggest tragedy in Monza happened before the field even reached Curva Grande!
Galvão (FDTV Play-by-Play): Green light! Green light! No, wait! HAJA CORAÇÃO! Disaster at the back! Look at the JPS Andretti Maserati of Fernando Horta! It is smoking! It is not moving! He has not even crossed the start line and it is a DNF! Zero laps completed! Absolute catastrophe! Big Casagrande, what on earth did you see there?
Big Casagrande (Co-commentator): Well, Galvão, in my tactical analysis, if a racing car does not move forward, it remains in the same place. And when you remain in the same place while forty-seven other cars are accelerating at two hundred miles per hour, your chances of winning the Grand Prix are mathematically reduced. He finished forty-eighth. It is a tough day for the Brazilian.
Galvão: Brilliant analysis! A masterclass in physics! But the race goes on! Rubens Barrichello leads! But look at Tony Stewart in the Home Depot Lamborghini! He is driving like a possessed demon, setting a blistering fastest lap of 1:44.031! He is putting the pressure on!
[FDTV COMMERCIAL BREAK]
Are you tired of your five-hundred-horsepower Maserati MC12 turning into an expensive paperweight before the first turn? Try Brahma-Super-Coolant! It will not save your gearbox from immediate emotional collapse, but at least your beer will remain ice-cold while you wait for the recovery truck! Brahma: the official sponsor of those who do not finish.
In the pit lane, team principal Hugh Laurie did not look pleased with the premature retirement.
Hugh Laurie (Team Principal): The telemetry claims it was an instantaneous transmission seizure. But people lie. I suspect Horta simply saw the queue at the paddock espresso bar and decided three laps of high-speed vibration was not worth missing a fresh cannoli. We are investigating the car. And by investigating, I mean I am going to insult the chief mechanic until he cries.
Meanwhile, the radio waves were absolutely sizzling with pure, unfiltered despair:
Horta (#55 Radio): WHAT IS THAT NOISE?! Is the engine on fire?!
Crew (#55 Pit): Fernando, please stop screaming, our monitors are showing... actually, the monitor is just glowing red.
Horta (#55 Radio): It is dead! The car is completely dead! I did not even get to shift into second gear!
Galvão: Unbelievable! While Horta is already walking back to the motorhome to hide, Shakov in the USSR Lotus F1 Team Porsche 911 GT2 secures an incredible, heroic P3! He held off Dale Jarrett's Lamborghini by a mere seventy-five thousandths of a second! Barrichello wins, Stewart takes second, and Shakov rounds out the podium!
Ps. Davinci, where are you?! At least you finished P32 in your Maserati, you beautiful survivor!
Disclaimer: This is a fictional, satirical report of a offline race against AI-driven opponents. All characters are fictional. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental
Classification
| Position | Driver | Team | Car | Laps | Gap | Best Lap | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 |  | RUBENS BARRICHELLO | BRAWN GP |  FERRARI 550 MARANELLO |
3 | 0:05:41.021 | 1:45.550 |
| 2 |  | TONY STEWART | HOME DEPOT TEAM |  LAMBORGHINI MURCIELAGO R-GT |
3 | + 02.249 | 1:44.031 |
| 3 | | SHAKOV | USSR LOTUS F1 TEAM |  PORSCHE 911 GT2 |
3 | + 04.144 | 1:46.595 |
| 4 | DALE JARRETT | UPS TEAM |  LAMBORGHINI MURCIELAGO R-GT |
3 | + 04.219 | 1:46.317 | |
| 5 | PATRICK CARPENTIE | VALVOLINE TEAM |  LAMBORGHINI MURCIELAGO R-GT |
3 | + 04.894 | 1:49.701 | |
| 6 | | BOBBY LABONTE | CHEERIOS TEAM |  LAMBORGHINI MURCIELAGO R-GT |
3 | + 05.583 | 1:47.983 |
| 7 | SAM HORNISH JR. | MOBIL 1 TEAM |  LAMBORGHINI MURCIELAGO R-GT |
3 | + 06.525 | 1:47.733 | |
| 8 | RICKY CRAVEN | TIDE TEAM |  LAMBORGHINI MURCIELAGO R-GT |
3 | + 07.552 | 1:47.820 | |
| 9 |  | WALTER LECHNER | KONRAD MOTORSPORT |  SALEEN S7-R |
3 | + 08.286 | 1:44.702 |
| 10 | PEPLEPEP | PAUL BELMONDO RACING |  CHRYSLER VIPER GTS-R |
3 | + 09.613 | 1:49.423 | |
| 11 |  | ROGER WILCO | SCUDERIA LIBRA |  PORSCHE 911 GT2 |
3 | + 11.065 | 1:50.047 |
| 12 | MARTIN TRUEX JR. | BASS PRO SHOPS TEAM |  LAMBORGHINI MURCIELAGO R-GT |
3 | + 12.285 | 1:48.123 | |
| 13 | MALLOZ | STRONGBOW BREWRIES RACING DPT. |  LAMBORGHINI MURCIELAGO R-GT |
3 | + 12.843 | 1:50.597 | |
| 14 | | FELIPE MASSA | SCUDERIA FERRARI |  FERRARI 550 MARANELLO |
3 | + 13.874 | 1:45.569 |
| 15 | JJ YEALEY | DLP TEAM |  LAMBORGHINI MURCIELAGO R-GT |
3 | + 14.177 | 1:49.680 | |
| 16 |  | TOM KRISTENSEN | REITER ENGINEERING |  LAMBORGHINI MURCIELAGO R-GT |
3 | + 14.515 | 1:48.554 |
| 17 | | BRIAN VICKERS | RED BULL TEAM |  LAMBORGHINI MURCIELAGO R-GT |
3 | + 14.696 | 1:49.870 |
| 18 |  | EMANUELE NASPETTI | G.P.C. GIESSE SQUADRA CORSE |  FERRARI 575 GTC |
3 | + 14.951 | 1:45.804 |
| 19 |  | NIGEL MANSELL | WILLIAMS RACING |  SALEEN S7-R |
3 | + 15.129 | 1:45.374 |
| 20 | MARC DETERING | REDBULL RACING TEAM |  LAMBORGHINI MURCIELAGO R-GT |
3 | + 15.236 | 1:49.777 | |
| 21 | MASSIMO | AGIP |  FERRARI 575 GTC |
3 | + 15.387 | 1:50.215 | |
| 22 | | KARL WENDLINGER | JMB RACING |  FERRARI 575 GTC |
3 | + 15.876 | 1:44.459 |
| 23 |  | MIKE HEZEMANS | FORCE ONE FESTINA |  CHRYSLER VIPER GTS-R |
3 | + 16.396 | 1:44.643 |
| 24 | | PETER KOX | REITER ENGINEERING |  LAMBORGHINI MURCIELAGO R-GT |
3 | + 16.498 | 1:47.441 |
| 25 | JEFF WARD | HERITAGE MOTORSPORT |  LAMBORGHINI MURCIELAGO R-GT |
3 | + 17.636 | 1:50.300 | |
| 26 | | HARRY GANT | SKOAL BANDIT TEAM |  LAMBORGHINI MURCIELAGO R-GT |
3 | + 18.057 | 1:50.074 |
| 27 | | DENNY HAMLIN | FEDEX TEAM |  LAMBORGHINI MURCIELAGO R-GT |
3 | + 18.316 | 1:47.309 |
| 28 | | THOMAS BIAGI | BMS SCUDERIA ITALIA |  FERRARI 550 MARANELLO |
3 | + 18.622 | 1:45.308 |
| 29 | CLINT BOYER | DIRECT TV TEAM |  LAMBORGHINI MURCIELAGO R-GT |
3 | + 18.896 | 1:48.448 | |
| 30 | | JAMIE CAMPBELL-WALTER | CREATION AUTOSPORTIF |  LISTER STORM |
3 | + 18.993 | 1:44.340 |
| 31 |  | JUAN PABLO MONTOYA | TEXACO HAVOLINE TEAM |  LAMBORGHINI MURCIELAGO R-GT |
3 | + 19.188 | 1:47.027 |
| 32 | | DAVINCI | LOSEL RACING |  MASERATI MC12 |
3 | + 19.290 | 1:51.720 |
| 33 | | MATT KENSETH | DEWALT-SMIRINOFF |  LAMBORGHINI MURCIELAGO R-GT |
3 | + 21.026 | 1:51.718 |
| 34 |  | CHRISTOPHE BOUCHUT | LARBRE COMPETITION |  CHRYSLER VIPER GTS-R |
3 | + 22.176 | 1:44.971 |
| 35 | | DAVE BLANEY | CAT TEAM |  LAMBORGHINI MURCIELAGO R-GT |
3 | + 23.082 | 1:52.812 |
| 36 | | PHILIPP PETER | JMB RACING |  FERRARI 575 GTC |
3 | + 24.443 | 1:48.483 |
| 37 | | JENSON BUTTON | BRAWN GP |  FERRARI 550 MARANELLO |
3 | + 24.861 | 1:55.913 |
| 38 | EL LOCO | JPS RACING |  PORSCHE 911 GT2 |
3 | + 29.931 | 1:53.195 | |
| 39 | | STEFANO ZONCA | LARBRE COMPETITION |  CHRYSLER VIPER GTS-R |
3 | + 31.553 | 1:48.749 |
| 40 | | PAUL BELMONDO | PAUL BELMONDO RACING |  CHRYSLER VIPER GTS-R |
3 | + 33.293 | 1:54.017 |
| 41 | | PIERGUISEPPE PERAZZINI | MEGADRIVE |  CHRYSLER VIPER GTS-R |
3 | + 34.762 | 1:48.341 |
| 42 | | JULIEN GILBERT | FORCE ONE FESTINA |  CHRYSLER VIPER GTS-R |
3 | + 40.227 | 1:53.346 |
| 43 | | VAL HILLEBRAND | ZWAANS RACING |  CHRYSLER VIPER GTS-R |
3 | + 42.100 | 1:55.384 |
| 44 |  | NIKO WIETH | WIETH RACING |  FERRARI 550 MARANELLO |
3 | + 44.390 | 1:53.678 |
| 45 | M. REUTERS | OPEL TEAM PHOENIX |  OPEL ASTRA V8 COUPE |
3 | + 47.790 | 1:53.869 | |
| 46 | FELIX SABATES | BIMBO TEAM |  LAMBORGHINI MURCIELAGO R-GT |
2 | + 1 LAP | 1:50.063 | |
| 47 | | PATRICK PEARCE | LISTER RACING |  LISTER STORM |
2 | DNF (Collision) | 1:48.532 |
| 48 | | FERNANDO HORTA | JPS ANDRETTI RACING |  MASERATI MC12 |
0 | DNF |
Lap Chart
Position at the end of every lap, FERNANDO HORTA highlighted. Hover a line or a name to follow a driver, click or tap to keep it highlighted; dashed lines are cars that retired.
Leaders
RUBENS BARRICHELLO led every lap.
| Lap | Leader | Laps | Took the lead from |
|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | RUBENS BARRICHELLO | 3 (1-3) |
| Driver | Laps led | % |
|---|---|---|
| RUBENS BARRICHELLO | 3 | 100% |
Related Images
Opel Team Phoenix, Opel Astra V8 Coupe #123, Driven By M. Reuters
Redbull Racing Team, Lamborghini Murcielago R-gt #127, Driven By Marc Detering
Jps Racing, Porsche 911 Gt2 #1010, Driven By El Loco
Larbre Competition, Chrysler Viper Gts-r #3001, Driven By Christophe Bouchut
Force One Festina, Chrysler Viper Gts-r #3005, Driven By Mike Hezemans
Scuderia Ferrari, Ferrari 550 Maranello #3006, Driven By Felipe Massa
Jmb Racing, Ferrari 575 Gtc #3009, Driven By Philipp Peter
Wieth Racing, Ferrari 550 Maranello #3016, Driven By Niko Wieth
Larbre Competition, Chrysler Viper Gts-r #3017, Driven By Stefano Zonca
Bms Scuderia Italia, Ferrari 550 Maranello #3023, Driven By Thomas Biagi
Paul Belmondo Racing, Chrysler Viper Gts-r #3024, Driven By Paul Belmondo
Reiter Engineering, Lamborghini Murcielago R-gt #3036, Driven By Tom Kristensen
Megadrive, Chrysler Viper Gts-r #3037, Driven By Pierguiseppe Perazzini
Bass Pro Shops Team, Lamborghini Murcielago R-gt #4001, Driven By Martin Truex Jr.
Konrad Motorsport, Saleen S7-r #4004, Driven By Walter Lechner
Direct Tv Team, Lamborghini Murcielago R-gt #4007, Driven By Clint Boyer
Zwaans Racing, Chrysler Viper Gts-r #4009, Driven By Val Hillebrand
Valvoline Team, Lamborghini Murcielago R-gt #4010, Driven By Patrick Carpentie
Fedex Team, Lamborghini Murcielago R-gt #4011, Driven By Denny Hamlin
G.p.c. Giesse Squadra Corse, Ferrari 575 Gtc #4013, Driven By Emanuele Naspetti
Lister Racing, Lister Storm #4014, Driven By Patrick Pearce
Jmb Racing, Ferrari 575 Gtc #4017, Driven By Karl Wendlinger
Home Depot Team, Lamborghini Murcielago R-gt #4020, Driven By Tony Stewart
Cat Team, Lamborghini Murcielago R-gt #4022, Driven By Dave Blaney
Creation Autosportif, Lister Storm #4027, Driven By Jamie Campbell-walter
Reiter Engineering, Lamborghini Murcielago R-gt #4029, Driven By Peter Kox
Tide Team, Lamborghini Murcielago R-gt #4032, Driven By Ricky Craven
Force One Festina, Chrysler Viper Gts-r #4032, Driven By Julien Gilbert
Skoal Bandit Team, Lamborghini Murcielago R-gt #4033, Driven By Harry Gant
Heritage Motorsport, Lamborghini Murcielago R-gt #4035, Driven By Jeff Ward
Texaco Havoline Team, Lamborghini Murcielago R-gt #4042, Driven By Juan Pablo Montoya
Cheerios Team, Lamborghini Murcielago R-gt #4043, Driven By Bobby Labonte
Ups Team, Lamborghini Murcielago R-gt #4044, Driven By Dale Jarrett
Jps Andretti Racing, Maserati Mc12 #4055, Driven By Fernando Horta
Bimbo Team, Lamborghini Murcielago R-gt #4062, Driven By Felix Sabates
Mobil 1 Team, Lamborghini Murcielago R-gt #4077, Driven By Sam Hornish Jr.
Red Bull Team, Lamborghini Murcielago R-gt #4083, Driven By Brian Vickers
Dlp Team, Lamborghini Murcielago R-gt #4096, Driven By Jj Yealey
Williams Racing, Saleen S7-r #4203, Driven By Nigel Mansell
Agip, Ferrari 575 Gtc #4560, Driven By Massimo
Dewalt-smirinoff, Lamborghini Murcielago R-gt #4807, Driven By Matt Kenseth
Paul Belmondo Racing, Chrysler Viper Gts-r #5057, Driven By Peplepep
Scuderia Libra, Porsche 911 Gt2 #8029, Driven By Roger Wilco
Strongbow Brewries Racing Dpt., Lamborghini Murcielago R-gt #8038, Driven By Malloz
Ussr Lotus F1 Team, Porsche 911 Gt2 #9001, Driven By Shakov
Brawn Gp, Ferrari 550 Maranello #9018, Driven By Jenson Button
Brawn Gp, Ferrari 550 Maranello #9019, Driven By Rubens Barrichello
Losel Racing, Maserati Mc12 #10049, Driven By Davinci
Autodromo Nazionale Monza