{ Fernando Horta } → Racing Games

Race report: Watkins Glen V12 Madness: Horta Takes the Glory!

*Red lights go out, V12 engines scream like banshees possessed by five espressos, and the entire FDTV broadcast booth shakes so hard the coffee machine explodes!*

IT IS OVER! IT IS GLORIOUSLY, MADLY OVER! Fernando Horta takes the checkered flag at Watkins Glen International, completing five laps of absolute high-speed wizardry in seven minutes and thirty-one seconds! Seven minutes, duudes! Absolute scenes on the upstroke! Darren Phill trailing over seven seconds back in second place, and Davinci Coulter rounding out the podium!

*Rewind sound effect: WUB-WUB-WUB-WUB!*

Let us go back, my friends! Back to the start! Darren Phill on pole position, but Horta sitting right there in second on the grid, licking his chops like a cat near a bowl of cream! Watch them sweep through the Esses! The aero is bending, the tarmac is crying, and the drivers are questioning their life insurance policies!

ToeJam (CTR Owner): Look at him go, man! That is some serious funk on the straights! He's floating like a butterfly and stingin' like a giant purple bumblebee with rocket boosters!

Earl (CTR Crew Chief): No time to chill, ToeJam! Look at Darren Phill trying to cover the inside! That ain't right, man, that just ain't right! But rubbin', son, is racin', and Horta ain't even rubbing—he's just teleporting past everybody!

*Loud airhorn sound*

And now, a quick word from our sponsors! Are your tyres feeling sad? Do your suspension springs lack the festive spirit? Then strap yourself into a pair of Brahma-Powered Rollerblades! Guaranteed to get you through Radial Leste traffic or straight into a gravel trap at two hundred miles per hour! Brahma: because walking is for people who haven't discovered four wheels and a V12!

We return to the action on lap four! Horta is stretching the gap! That is not a gap, ladies and gentlemen, that is an entire geopolitical border between him and Darren Phill! Olivier Papin fighting Jean Alarie down in fourth and fifth, swapping paint and dignity in equal measure! And across the line they come, one by one, twenty cars finishing the madness!

WHAT A RACE! WHAT A TRACK! UNBELIEVABLE! CALL THE MAYOR OF WATKINS GLEN, CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CALL EVERYBODY BECAUSE THE DUUDES HAVE DONE IT AGAIN!

Disclaimer: This is a fictional, satirical report of a offline race against AI-driven opponents. All characters are fictional. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental

Classification

Position		Driver	Team	Car	Laps	Gap	Grid	Best Lap
1		FERNANDO HORTA		FORMULA V12	5	0:07:31.033	2	01:26.655
2		DARREN PHILL		FORMULA V12	5	+ 07.520	1	01:30.623
3		DAVE COULTER		FORMULA V12	5	+ 10.965	3	01:30.785
4		OLIVIER PAPIN		FORMULA V12	5	+ 11.122	8	01:30.680
5		JEAN ALARIE		FORMULA V12	5	+ 11.264	4	01:30.480
6		MIKO HANNINEN		FORMULA V12	5	+ 13.380	7	01:31.222
7		GERALD BAUER		FORMULA V12	5	+ 13.521	6	01:31.160
8		JOHN SHERBERT		FORMULA V12	5	+ 13.684	5	01:31.140
9		HENDRIK-HAL FASTEN		FORMULA V12	5	+ 16.706	9	01:31.901
10		MARK TRUNDLE		FORMULA V12	5	+ 18.945	10	01:32.345
11		MARTY TRUNDLE		FORMULA V12	5	+ 21.400	11	01:32.600
12		MIIKA SOMERO		FORMULA V12	5	+ 21.560	12	01:32.620
13		PEDRINHO DIAS		FORMULA V12	5	+ 27.767	14	01:33.434
14		UNIKO KITAJIMA		FORMULA V12	5	+ 27.902	13	01:33.960
15		OSCAR HARDWICK		FORMULA V12	5	+ 34.540	17	01:34.760
16		JOSIEN VANDUSEN		FORMULA V12	5	+ 34.700	15	01:34.664
17		RONALDO MOREIRA		FORMULA V12	5	+ 34.821	16	01:35.036
18		BILLY PARKS		FORMULA V12	5	+ 35.260	18	01:34.980
19		JOSE SIMON		FORMULA V12	5	+ 49.080	19	01:36.180
20		MARK TURNER		FORMULA V12	5	+ 51.285	20	01:36.522

Related Images

Watkins Glen International