{ Fernando Horta } → Formula Duude

A delayed conference start, then into the ventures of legalities of the cars, drugs, prostitutes, alcoholic drinks, chances of winning the championship, rumours about pills and even team exchanging drivers during the season.

A hanf full of drama in today's press conference in Australia, which you can read here, first.

Dave:  hi duuudes!
Shaka:  *throws paper ball
*throws paper airplane
*throws super sheep
Pippo:  *yawns
Dave:  > + HP (throws Shaka)
Shaka: I'll complain to FD officials, that drug dealer is harassing me!
Dave:  And I'll complain that Schumacher is messing the press conference!
Shaka:  get over here! ~~~~~~~~>
Pippo:  si, AYAAAAA!!!!!
Shaka:  let's get this s*it going, where's the freaking reporter?
Dave:  I want some lager. Is there any in that fridge?
Shaka:  dunno, I'm keeping my eyes shut =}
Dave:  Is this some kind of rehab meeting? I don't like meetings...
Shaka:  hi, my name is shaka, and it's been 7 days since I last raced
*applauses
Shaka:  hey, let's play Street Fighter while the interviewer is absent
Dave:  who is the interviewer?
Shaka:  according to FD program, it's the only reporter not present atm
Press Conference, after the jump.

Shaka (Williams) :

(Stu P. Eed - Kangaroo Post) - Welcome to Australia, Shaka, after such a display of domination last week, are you planning on repeating the feature, even if you're racing a different car?
Shaka : Thanks Stupid, but I don't feel I can win again, not without hard work. This car is new to me and it feels quite twitchy to be honest. I hope I can get used to it during the qualifying to have a better shot at the race. I know I should read the manual, but I'm too lazy for that.

(Thomas Turbo - Off Road Magazine) -  Does Melbourne GP, by a chance, reminds you some kind of Indy Car series circuit? How do you feel about this kind of track?
Shaka : Melbourne track is quite good and I enjoy racing there. The atmosphere is unique and hopefully it resembles, at least being on the same country, Surfer's Paradise, a track I usually drive well.

(Jasmine Rice - Les Beau) - Shaka, your thoughts on the controversy currently surrounding the fw14?
Shaka : In a few words, there's nothing wrong with the car. It's perfectly OK under FD regulations and the only reason we were so fast in Austria is that we did a better job than our rivals. FD officials are doing their job on a slower rate than expected, but hopefully the car will be given green light for next races.

Thank you for your time shaka
Shaka : thanks duuuuudes

Tib (Libra) :

(Biro Biro - Dumbfootballernews) tib, welcome to Australia, the land down under. Are you happy with your car setup for a long track like this one?
Tib : Thanks, i also come from a land under, where the beers are cold and the bears are away. Anyway, i have no idea how my car is setup. It will be a blind setup for me. Because the Scuderia pulled a HRT and we are going without testing. They screwed me not shipping the car in time.. so.. i'll have to feel my way and setup the car during qualy, a different challenge, for sure.

(Suspicious guy wearing gray clothes and green stripes) Hi Tib, I'm from mumble mumble post... (suspicious looking) We already know your driving style and conservative views, as well your team's high standards. Is there any chance of Libra hiring Dave as the scuderia's 2nd driver if his driving skill, this season, got improved? (runs away before being spotted by security)
Shaka : I think I know that guy...
Tib: I don't think it's a possibility, unless he can bring some heavy sponsors to the team. The team can barely pay me, as it stands. And i only asks for beers on post-race. So, i dunno, but sure, it would be great to have another duuude as a teammate.

(Foster S. Lager - Drink 'n Drive) - Welcome to Australia tib. going for the race win this weekend? Such a shame missing the win in the final lap last time around.
Tib : Thanks for the welcome. I hope to win, yeah. i'll be giving it my best in order to finish first. And yes, it was such a shame, to lose on the last corner. I blame everyone else, except me. Because, the fault is mine, and i give it to whomever i want. Hopefully that won't happen again in this season. But only time will tell..

thanks for your time tib, good luck!
Tib: thanks a lot, cool beers here down under.

Dave (Losel) :

(Charlie Sheen - Two and a half reporters) Yo Dave, my man! Got any good stuff for me today?
[whispering]... you know, that good stuff you always deal with me
Dave : Hey Charlie! No good stuff for you and for me and the entire human race. There are people dying... sorry MJ. All they allow me to do is chewing some guns, errr, I mean, some gums... but, waint until I get back to New York. Winks-wink-wink! Hahahah!

(Pepe Le Pu - French Connection) - Welcome to Le Australia, Dave. What are your expectacións for Le races ? Are we going to see le first win of Losel in this seasón ?
Dave : It depend on what you guys considers as a "win". I'll be looking forward... actually forward to the rear mirror, to be sure that nobody is behind me, except if I'm being overlapped. I want to finish the race without crashing my car or being guilty for the yellow flags. That'll be a "win" for me...

(Ferra R. Ienzo - Italian Blabber) - 3 drivers are using 911s for this round. Is that an advantage or disadvantage for you?
Dave : Obviously a disadvantage! I was pissed of because that Schumacher there (points to Shaka) announced that he will be u sing the same Porsche. I should have picked the Ferrari this time. I hate being part of the "mainstream"! Damn Shaka! Just calm down your ass in just one cock..pit and drive without changing every godamn race!!!!
Shaka : Hey, that's not my fault! I wanted my Ferrari!
Dave : And I wanted my scotch on the rocks, but I couldn't have!

thanks for your time, Dave
Dave : Thanks duuudes, sorry for overreacting.

Pippo (Mapua) :

(James Road - Runner Magazine) Pippo, we all saw you on a terrific crash this week. What happened exactly? Is ACME involved on that?
Pippo : thanks James. I was testing the team's GT challenger at Brno the past week and when I hit the brakes for turn 3, the brake pedal just snapped in half! Our brakes are supplied by ACME and they said they are running a full blown nvestigation. What worries me is that most of our other spare parts are supplied by ACME. I hope they dont f*ck up this weekend as well.

(Mike Ock - The Moon Tabloid) - Pippo, rumours are that you are not well enough to race, and that the doctors have not given you clearance, and that you even may pass-out during the race, and that to avoid that, you have bought some pills from Flavor Flav, does that proceed ?
Pippo : The doctors X-rayed my head and found nothing! Im confident im fit enough. As far as pills are concerned, I have never purchased anything from Flav. Our supplements are provided by ACME as well. On second thought, I think I wat to buy some pills from Flav now,.

(D@rK R1d3R - f-duude internet fan, with e-bayed credencials for this press conference) First of all, welcome new duude and nice to meet you, Pippo (give me an autograph!). Are you aiming high this championship so you can beat the two times champion Shaka, becoming our new legend?
Pippo : Thanks for the welcome. Its everyone's dream to become Mario World Champion. And to be the best, you have to beat Shaka. Its too early to talk about championship at this point. We are taking it two steps at a time, so at the end of the season, we'll see.

(Dave - Impatient driver): Is the meeting over? Can I go back to the hotel? I'm thirsty, you know... =}
Shaka: Sure. Get over here! ~~~~~~~>
*uppercut*
Tib: Meetings, what the fuck do you think i am, a alcoholic ?
i'm a drunk, and drunks don't go to meetings..
Pippo : yawns.
Shaka: *starts to pee all over the floor in anger
I am a rockstar, I'm a golden god!
Dave: This sure looks like a meeting! Look at us!
Tib : beh, *storms out*